The Fluff Series
by Arens1991
Summary: Series of Criminal Minds One-shots. UPDATE: CHAPTER 14: "We need to talk" are the worst words in the english language when strewn together in the same sentence. they alone have the ability to bring up every negative thought or action in your past. those 4 words were conning from the 4 men of the FBI's main BAU team.
1. A Fluffulufagus Introduction

Howdy all!

this is a series of one shots and they are stories that are not focused on the character as much as they are focused on the interaction between the reader and the character given the situation the reader is in. each character has a form of the word Fluff that corosponds to them. The stories are all independant of eachother and are intended to be veiwed as seperate stories with no link what so ever. for example, if you die in Rossi's arms during one chapter, you may end up staying the night with Morgan in the next. below are the chapter title and a brief snipit from the story. please feel free to review with constructive criticism or nice things. be gentle i have a low self esteem.

Fluff= SSA Derek Morgan

_Fluffy__Dr. Spencer Reid_

De-FluffSSA Aaron Hotchner

_Fluffed __SSA David Rossi_

* * *

**Fluff:**

"_Don't do it, please," Derek said in that calm collected voice as he moved within arms length of you. "Just give me the gun and I promise everything will be alright"_

"_Why? Why should I live with the pain that he can get out of by dying?" you said as more tears flowed down you rose tinted cheeks. "It's not fair!" your left arm fell and Derek moved forward taking your gun and pulling you into his arms. "It's just not fair…" _

* * *

**Fluffy:  
**

_**SPENCE,**_

_** WAIT FOR MY SIGNAL. HE HAS A GUN. A .32 ACP. I'M SORRY AND I LOVE YOU.**_

* * *

**De-Fluff:**

You open your eyes and see that Reid has his gun trained on Aaron's heart. Aaron lifts his hands in the air. You do the only thing you know to do. You put your arms around Aaron's neck and move so your back is facing Reid and your body protects Aaron's heart, putting yourself in the line of fire. You wont let anyone take away your safe heaven.

* * *

**Fluffed:**

You saw Rossi standing in the hall. Dave paused when he saw what was happening but then he aimed his gun and looked straight at you. You knew he was hesitating. "You Promised…" you said as you passed out from massive blood loss.

* * *

**Fluff II:**

"What Happened?" Derek asks again his voice sounding harsh and angry. You whimper and back away, hitting the wall sooner than you expect. "Tell me what happened. I thought you were going to stay on the couch." He still sounded angry. You lower your head and try to pull your hand away. You get your hand free and you push him away and run past him heading in the only direction you could, forward. You feel along a wall and find a door. Guided by your instincts you go in and close the door behind you. You feel the door handle and find the lock and you lock Derek out. You pull out your cell phone and press and hold the number 7.

* * *

**Fluffed II:**

You just married the very charming David Rossi. The reception is lovely and you are outside beneath the stars. You took his hand and he led you out to the grassy dance floor. The moon light caught your Garcia-Glittered hair and the sparkle in your eyes. He began to hum a song you used to know. Suddenly you heard a single gunshot and every agent pulled their weapon. Every agent except Rossi, who pulled you back beneath the cover of the cherry blossom tree. Then he saw the look in your eyes. The music still played in the become serious. You looked into your new widower's eyes. Your white dress slowly soaking in the red beneath it.

* * *

**Fluffy II:**

"Spence, what's… going… on?" You fall to the floor. "Spencer, I cant feel my legs. Whats happening to me?"

"you can't panic, that makes it work even faster, stay calm." Reid says

"Makes what work faster?" asks Hotch

"The poison…" Reid answers.

* * *

**De-Fluff II: **

You were just about to leave when Aaron grabbed your hand. **DO YOU TRUST ME? **He writes on your hand

* * *

**Fluffy III:**

You had been clean for 2 years today. The urges had cropped up before, but never this strong.

~_FLASHING 2 YEARS BACK_~

_Dr. Reid stood and walked over to the elevators, "who are you?" he asks_

"_A serial killer." You reply almost inaudibly._

"_What happened?" Reid asks. You say nothing. He repeats himself and again you say nothing. He knelt down in front of you and said "look at me." You do nothing "I said Look at me!" and he forces your head up by your chin. He looks at your black eye and busted lip, but his demeanor does not falter. "What happened?" he said again this time with greater force behind the question._

"_I didn't want to kill them." You said looking past him off into space. "So I tried killing myself instead." Reid lets your chin go and your head drops to its previous position. _

_~FLASHING FORWARD TO THE PRESENT~_

"Dammit, Look at me!" he yells. Reid's outburst scares you and you crumple to the floor, covering your head with your arms in a protective fashion. Your personality was submissive. You knew that. It was so submissive in fact, that even Reid could make you cower in fear and that's just what he did tonight.

* * *

**Fluff III**

"Hey pretty momma…" The dashing Derek Morgan walks up behind you and puts his arms around you and kisses the crook of your neck. You spin around quick and look at his very tall body. Thankfully he seems just as startled as you and retreats to the other side of the 6 foot wide kitchen.

"Derek…" you say slowly, "did we…?" He doesn't respond he just looks at you "Oh God…" You escape the scene and run into the bedroom. You look around and see several whiskey and brandy bottles.

* * *

**De-Fluff III**

"Please! Don't hurt me!" You beg, your back against the wall where he had cornered you.

You had never seen him like this… Aaron Hotchner was the level headed one, he wasn't one to start a fight, he wasn't one to raise his voice at a fellow team member and yet here you and he were. You had just finished a case and you went back to your apartment to "un-wind." How had it gotten to this point?

* * *

**Fluffed III**

DAVID ROSSI

That's what it said on his office door. Now, it was just you, him, and that knife you had gotten from the break room. He dare not make a scene, not with the overly paranoid people on your team watching. the door was closed and the blinds were shut.

"let's see it." Dave said as he sat across from you in front of his desk. you roll up you boot cut black slacks. he looks at it then asks "Why?"


	2. Fluff

Fluff: [MORGANXREADER]

DR.G: Maureen owns nothing except the plot… not even the lava lamp on the jet is hers… that belongs to Garcia ;)

_He drew his weapon and you drew yours. __**BANG… **__Your shot went right through his chest__**. **__You saved the little girl and Prentiss. The un-sub was dying. Emily walked the little girl out and you ran forward to see who was hiding behind the mask. With your gun still trained on the man you pulled the mask off and staggered off balance. You saw Hotch, Reid and Morgan come in out of the corner of your eye._

"_After 18 long years this is how we meet again?" he said looking up at you. A single tear rolled down your cheek and he reached up to wipe it away, "If your mother hadn't left with you, you would have been the only one. The others could have lived if you had just been here." _

"_I know better than that. You would have gone after one of them eventually." You said. Your voice was filled with hate and anger. "Mom is the only reason I am still alive." _

"_You're probably right" he said coughing "But you were the best play thing a daddy could have asked for." He coughed again. "Tell me how much you loved it baby." And with that he breathed his last breath._

_You couldn't stand it. Knowing that everything was going to be exposed you backed away and put the gun to your heart. Dr. Spencer Reid ran over to the un-sub and looked at Hotch shaking his head. The three looked at you unsure of what to do next. The gun was aimed ready to be fired. Derek Morgan calmly walked over to you followed by Aaron Hotchner._

"_Don't do it, please," He said in that calm collected voice as he moved within arms length of you. "Just give me the gun and I promise everything will be alright"_

"_Why? Why should I live with the pain that he can get out of by dying?" you said as more tears flowed down you rose tinted cheeks. "It's not fair!" your left arm fell and Derek moved forward taking your gun and pulling you into his arms. "It's just not fair…" _

You sat alone at the far back of the jet, while everyone else was on the other end talking about what had happened not 3 hours ago. You were on your way back to Virginia and you knew it was going to be a long flight. You stared at the pink and blue lava lamp sitting in the corner. You were there as a consultant. Nothing more. You knew that going in but as the case progressed your past started to catch up with you. You couldn't have known that the un-sub was your own father. He had on a mask and drew his weapon. You… You had to take the shot… Right?

Most of the others on the team were cautious around you because for all they knew your father died when you were 14. And for all you cared he had. The only ones who didn't seem to be bothered by it were Derek Morgan and Spencer Reid. You understood why Reid wasn't bothered by it, but Derek lost his father at a young age and would have given anything to get him back.

"here we are," Morgan said as he handed you a cup of your favorite drink. "How did I do?"

You took a sip "It's perfect. Thanks Derek."

"So… How long did you know who the un-sub was without telling us?"

"I didn't know anything that you didn't know till I pulled off his mask"

"Why did you say that he was dead?"

"After I shot him? Because he was."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know what you meant Derek, and to be honest you are starting to sound like Hotch." You said staring again at the lava lamp. You smiled slightly at the thought of Derek Morgan in a suit and tie all the time. You knew why he was asking you these questions. He had to… no, he didn't want Hotch to do it so he took the initiative.

He glared at you "oh that's cold and here I thought I was doing you a favor." He got up and headed to the front of the aircraft.

"Do you know how long I have been running from my past?" you asked making him stop and come back. "18 years… 18 long hard fearful years…" you broke your gaze from the bubbles sinking and floating in their crystalline barrier. "18 years of running, 10 years of wishing and praying that it wasn't really happening to me. That it may have just been a bad recurring dream." You looked up at Derek and then sighed while shaking your head. "I don't like being treated like a victim and I don't like being profiled. I thought that you would understand how that feels."

You finish your drink and you get up to throw it away leaving Derek to think about what you just said. A hush falls over the other passengers as you pass them.

Upon your return to the back Derek is still standing there. "When was the last time you had a good night's sleep?" He asked upon your return.

"In all honesty? 28 years ago." You respond in a weary way.

"Well let's see how we can fix that." He says as he pulls you gently with him over to the large sofa. You stand there for a minute confused as he lays down on his hip. "Well, what are you waiting for?"

"My agra-homino-erota-phobia to go away…"

"Oh great we have a Mrs. Dr. Reid… Get over here!" he said. With that he pulls you down and you fall comfortably next to him on the sofa. He puts one of his arms under your head and the other around your waist. You fall asleep to him saying "a phobia is just something you have never seen the better part of…"


	3. Fluffy

_**SPENCE, WAIT FOR MY SIGNAL. HE HAS A GUN. A .32 ACP. I'M SORRY AND I LOVE YOU.**_

Fluff [reidxreider]

DR.G: Maureen owns nothing except the plot… not even the lava lamp on the jet is hers… that belongs to Garcia ;)

It had been a long case, and there you were right in the middle of the hostage situation. The little girl was 8 years old. You knew what he wanted and you knew you could get it for him. You took off your bullet proof and gave Derek Morgan your gun and ear piece and ran up to the front door. You slowly and carefully pushed open the door of that old log cabin you used to know.

"Take me. Let her go and I will stay with you." You said

"How do I know for sure?" The Un-sub asked

"Her parents are right outside they will take their daughter so that you can have yours." You replied coldly "If I do anything to break that deal, shoot me."

"Interesting bargain… are you sure you want to make that deal?" the unsub knew your answer

"Absolutely. 100%. One condition though…"

A few minutes later you sent out the child with a note:

_SPENCE,_

_go aWAy. I am wiTh my Father. he will nOt haRm Me if You go away. pleaSe I know it is GoiNg to be hArd but i wilL be alright. HE wont Hurt Any more kidS, so pleAse Go back withoUt me Now. Always remember the 32. opus of the plAnet merCury symPhony. I'M SORRY i hAve to eND It Like this, yOu deserVE a better friend in YOUr life_

You knew Reid would understand. The note you sent out was a simple enough code but only Reid would understand what it meant.

"So, tell me, how long has it been baby?" your father said his gun still trained on you "Come sit on daddy's lap."

"a long time…" you said as you complied with the request.

"How long until they leave?" he asked the gun aimed at your ribcage.

"I don't know. I told them to leave… you read the note. Maybe they wont accept that I am staying with you. They wont storm the house though, they wouldn't risk me getting caught in the crossfire. They will leave eventually." You said trying to figure out your next move.

"If you are lying I get to shoot you." Your father looks you in the eye

"that was part of the deal. Unless they shoot me first…" you reply

"Good…" he said with a sinister smile. "do you remember…?"

"Of course I do" you replied hatefully "all these years and I still cant get it out of my mind."

"then let's go." Your father stood up and twisted your arm behind your back leading you to a nearby couch "NOW STRIP!" his loud voice booming as it had when you were a child.

Your compliance was to delay him. You remembered he liked this part from the shoes going up and you knew his guard would be down right after your jeans came off. You knew what you had to do. You hated it but you had no choice. This was one un-sub that was not going to get the better of you. You were going to take him down even if that meant going down with him. You had had enough! You struggled and then…

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Your father and you fell to the ground each taking 2 hits. You heard footsteps running in to the wooden building. Your father went for the gun directly between the two of you and you saw a foot step kick the gun closer to you.

"don't even think about it!" said Derek his gun pointed at your father. "Reid, Get her out of here. She don't look so good. Get that blanket to wrap her in too."

"You broke your end of the deal…" your father coughed

Reid wrapped you in a blanket for decency sake and you chuckled slightly as you felt yourself being lifted "yeah? So shoot me…" and your world faded away into the darkness.

You wake up in a hospital three days later and there next to you is Spencer Reid. He is sleeping just like you would see if he had put his head down on a desk using his left arm as a pillow. His right hand is resting beneath your left. You pull your hand away and stroke the top of his head causing him to awaken.

"Hey…" Reid says looking at you with those beautiful eyes of his.

"You got my note… I wasn't sure if you would understand…" you say almost out of breath.

"It was plain as day… Although you could have been clearer about your signal." He jokes

"What wasn't clear about four gun shots?" you wonder giving him a puzzled look.

"Who the gun was pointing to, for one, and what you would look like when we made our move, for another." He replies making you laugh.

"I'll remember that for next time." You tease and then you wince in pain.

This causes Spence to become serious. "there won't be a next time" he says.

"Sure there will… there are always more cases…" you say fading in and out as the morphine kicks in

Reid sighs. "There was one thing that I wasn't sure of… on the note… you know that last part"

"What… What about it?" you ask kind of anxiously but still reacting to the pain killers. You hear him ramble about chocolate or something as you fade into sleep.

The last thing you hear him saying is "I love you too…" and you fall into a deep sound sleep


	4. De-Fluff

De-Fluff [hotchxreider]

DR.G: Maureen owns nothing except the plot… not even the lava lamp on the jet is hers… that belongs to Garcia ;)

You had been beaten. You knew he had won the minute he took you hostage. He had his daughter and no one knew except you and him. You looked around and saw where the beeping noise was coming from… You were being videotaped…

"I cant wait till they find out I'm gone" you whispered not realizing that he was there.

"That's the beauty in being dead baby," he said sinisterly "Even if you are the only one capable, it just can't be you." He noticed a tear rolling down your cheek "what's the matter baby? So sad that Agent Hotchner won't save you? So sad that he hasn't even called?" he dangled your phone in front of you "Too bad baby, I was looking forward to killing him here… oh well, I guess torturing you will have to do till I can find him."

"DON'T YOU TOUCH HIM OR ANYONE ELSE ON MY TEAM! THAT'S NOT WHAT WE AGREED!" you screamed. He cracked the horse whip against your back and you bit back the tears. "Me for them! You promised you wouldn't hurt them if I cooperated!" you cried out in pain as he whipped you again.

"don't you back talk me girl. You used to do that when you were younger. It looks like I'm gonna have to teach you a lesson." He said.

He pulled off your torn ragged clothes. Then he disrobed and pulled you over to the bed and began to ravage your lower half while your upper half was burned by his cigarettes.

"You know what I'm going to do when I find them?" he said as he entered you "I'll force them to take you, to ravage your body, to destroy and torture your spirit and soul. All of them… Except that Supervisory very Special Agent Hotchner…" He turned your limp body over and began taking you from behind. "He won't lay a hand on you. It's much more fun to have him watch." He came inside you as your eyes went wider than you thought possible.

All your resistance left your body. You lay there mortified at the thought of having Aaron see you like this. He had beaten you and you were now broken. you had given up on ever seeing your team again. And he saw that when he looked into your dead eyes.

"oh baby now your changing the rules," he said obviously enjoying the release. "I cant torture you if your giving up on me. That's not very cooperative now is it?" you felt him go deep inside your rear, but your body was so filled with pain that you didn't even try to react. There was nothing left that you could do and he came inside you again and turned you over one more time. "well this just isn't any fun anymore." You didn't look at him or what he was doing but you felt the cold metal on your breast and heard the sound of his gun clicking.

BANG! BANG!

He fell heavy on you, his blood flowing across your body. Suddenly his weight was removed and you were being covered and carried out. Your glasses broke during the abduction but you couldn't mistake that strong serious looking blur that was carrying you out of captivity. It was Aaron.

You awoke to a hospital room filled with flowers and balloons and cheerful things. Garcia had been there. You listened for a moment and heard high heels headed your way. She was on her way back. You really didn't want to see anyone so you pretended to be asleep as you heard three voices enter your room.

"Come on Hotch, you really cant stay here indefinitely. You have to get out out of here." Voice one was Derek Morgan.

"He's right, Sir, the doctors said she may not wake up for a few more days. Going home or going out with friends might be best, Sir." The second voice was so totally Garcia you thought.

"Garcia, How may trips have you made here?" said voice three, the voice of one very special agent Aaron Hotchner.

"78… sir…" Garcia responded placing yet another card and gift basket on the floor. "But I go away and THEN I come back. I go get some fresh air and positive imagery. And Sir, I really think you should do the same."

"I appreciate your concern, Garcia, and I'll keep it in mind."

"Hotch, I can stay here if you want to take a break…" Derek said

"I'm fine, Derek." Aaron said giving Derek a serious look.

"I just don't see how you can look at her and not think of all the horrible things -" Garcia shuddered at the reminder of the tapes and was interupted.

"come on, Baby Girl, he aint gonna change his mind anytime soon." Derek said pulling out a camera and 2 fair tickets "Lets go make our own positive imagery. We will even bring them some fair food when we get back" he lead Garcia out and looked back at Hotch who mouthed the words "Thank You"

Once you hear the heavy high heeled sound fade away you open your eyes slowly. You try to speak but nothing comes out at first. The silver ring on your right hand clinks against the metal of the bed as you try to sit up. Aaron turn and rushes to your side. He hands you your spare pair of glasses and looks at you intently. You can't seem to look him in the eye. He tries to find your gaze but you keep moving so that your eyes never meet. He moves so that he is sitting on the edge of the bed and you back away instinctively. He goes to take your hand and you pull away. You pull your knees into your chest and move to the corner farthest away from him.

"hey, whats wrong?" he asked noticing that all too familiar look of fear.

"She appears to have developed a fear of some sort and her doctors say she may not speak for a while due to the damages to her throat" Said Dr. Spencer Reid walking into the room. "Let me try something" and Reid moved forward attempting to look eye to eye with you. You kept turning away.

"Do you Remember who you are?" he asked. You nodded. "Do you remember us?" you nodded again. "Are you afraid?" Affirmative. "Of Hotch?" Same response. "Of me?" Negative. Reid looks at Hotch and as if reading his mind Aaron moves away and Reid takes his place. Reid looks at you and smiles "Can I have your hand for a moment?" you put your hand out for him to take. "Now I'm going to do something. You wont get hurt, you are safe here. If any harm come to you I'll shoot him" this makes you laugh

"REID!" Aaron scolds

"what? She needs to relax." He says and then turns back to you "Do you trust me to do this." You nod again and Reid takes your hand and places it in Aaron's hand then he moves out of the way so that Aaron can sin next to you. The bed is rather large and is up against the wall long ways so Aaron sits indian style on the bed with his back against the wall and he puts his arms around you. You close your eyes tightly and wait for the pain, but when nothing happens you begin to feel safe. Reid sees your expression and mistakes it for you being hurt.

Reaching for his gun he looks at you "are you ok? Is he hurting you?"

You open your eyes and see that Reid has his gun trained on Aaron's heart. Aaron lifts his hands in the air. You do the only thing you know to do. You put your arms around Aarons neck and move so your back is facing Reid and your body protects Aaron's heart, putting yourself in the line of fire. You wont let anyone take away your safe heaven. The only thing you can do is shake your head "no." you feel Aarons strong arms around your fragile frame.

"Well, she doesn't seem to be afraid of you anymore." Reid said holstering his weapon.

"you enjoyed that…" hotch said accusingly.

"No I didn't" reid replied with a subtle hint of laughter in his voice.

"Liar…" hotch whispered.

"I think my work is done here… I'm gunna go get some coffee."

You keep trying to make a sound. Finally you manage to squeak "I'm sorry"

Aaron chuckles "Don't be… I taught him that trick. Even used it on him once after…" he stops when he notices you are shaking your head "whats the matter?" he asks his voice filled with love and concern

"I'm sorry you had to see me like that… I'm sorry I let you down by not telling you about him… I'm sorry you had to be the one to kill him… I'm sorry Aaron… I'm So So very sorry…" by this time your tears flow freely

"Shhh, shh its alright, it's not your fault." He rocked you back and forth "just take my hand together we can do this, I'm gonna love you through it." And with those words you fell asleep in his arms.


	5. Fluffed

Fluffed [rossixreider]

DR.G: Maureen owns nothing except the plot… not even the lava lamp on the jet is hers… that belongs to Garcia ;)

Aaron was on leave and you had been called to fill in for him. Just your luck on your last day a local high-schooler was on a rampage. No casualties yet… Yet. You just finished explaining the plan to the rest of the team. You asked Rossi to stay just a minute to explain your secondary option.

"So what did you need me for?" The ever charming David Rossi asked, "It looks like you have everything all figured out."

"I need you to keep a promise" you said

"Depends on the promise…"

"I need you to promise that if necessary you will take the shot. If any situation gets out of my control, you have to take the shot no matter the risk."

"why are you asking me to do this?" he asked remembering what happened with the first Mrs. Rossi. "Why not ask Morgan or Reid?"

"Because…"

"Because why? Come on there has got to be a reason."

"Because of your fluffed rice arancini"

This made Dave laugh, "that isn't sound reasoning for trust"

"You said there had to be a reason. That's it. So will you promise me that?"

"Against every fiber of my being." He sighed…

You left the round table room and headed out the doors to the SUVs. It was a short drive to the school. You went inside and talked down the bomber with no issue. It seemed almost TOO easy but there didn't seem to be anything else to do but go and celebrate the team's victory. You all met up at Penelope's house. Garcia was the napoleon to her own last name serving her excellent French cuisine. It was slick on the road that night so you promised to call Dave when you got home. How he worried about you so. But it made you feel loved. He had already called and left you a message that he had gotten home safe.

*Ring* *Ring* *Ring* *Ring*

"Rossi" came his voice through the phone

"Hey Dave, I'm just letting you know I got home s~~~" you stopped and stared at the gun pointed at you.

"Good, I was beginning to worry, you must have gone slow."

"Yeah… Yeah I did." The person with the gun signaled for you to hang up.

"So have you heard from the others?" Dave asked you smiled. He had always cared for the team like family.

"No… they haven't called me yet… but um… at least you kept your promises. Those are a special sacred thing arn't they."

Dave had never heard you ramble like this "so are you doing ok? You're home safe?"

"I'm home and I'll be fine as long as you remember to keep your promises. I'm gotta go, I'll talk to you later ok?"

"Ok…" Dave understood what you meant "I'll remember."

"Ok, I love you too. Mm-hmm. Bye" you closed your phone and stood there looking at the masked figure.

"Seriously?" you said looking at him with an eyebrow raised. "Whats with the mask? We both know I wont make it out of here unless I'm on a gurney headed to the morgue." The figure grabbed your arm and pulled you close looking you in the eye. "what's the matter, you scared I might recognize you? A little late for that hun, rather stupid of me if I cant even recognize my own father." The figure pushed you back and your head hit the counter knocking you out cold.

~~~~~~~~~~30 minutes later~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You opened your eyes… this wasn't happening… then you felt the sharp pain in your abdomen… yes this was happening… your father had come back for you after 25 years. He still had that strength and could make you do whatever he wished. You looked down and saw you had been put into a two piece swimsuit. There was blood and bruising around your ribs. He had stabbed you multiple times. And he still hadn't taken off the mask

"So my little angel decided to wake up did you?" his gun trained on you.

"You and I both know how stupid the mask thing is. We also know what profilers say about stabbing." You smirked sitting up against the headboard.

"you want to die don't you?" he was getting irritated

"not really but it will get you behind bars until they carry out your death sentence… and I'm ok with that." You said nonchalantly

"You are really pushing it" his irritation was turning into anger.

"At least I'm not stupidly trying to hide my face from you." You heard a faint car pulling into your drive.

"why should I show you what I look like?" his anger was turning into rage… he was oblivious to anything outside of his emotions "I'm just gonna kill you anyway"

"you don't have to…" the car turned off and you heard footsteps and voices outside "but that just tells me that you are still the sick perverted father I knew when I was younger…" you paused for effect and you saw he was getting even more angry you knew what you had to say next "I bet you still cant get it up can you" you smirked.

This was it. He pulled you roughly by your ankle and began hitting you. Then he pulled out his knife and pulling you off the bed he put your back to his chest and stabbed you over and over. Removing the second part of the 2 piece he pushed into you hard. Then he continued to violate you with both the knife and his physical self. He was seeing red and you saw Rossi standing in the hall. Dave paused when he saw what was happening but then he aimed his gun and looked straight at you. You knew he was hesitating.

"You Promised…" you said as you passed out from massive blood loss.

You woke up in a strange bed in a room you didn't recognize. You looked around and tried to sit up but somehow it hurt. You mumbled some form of "ouch" and then you are startled by a very charming voice.

"well this ain't heaven, with all the cuts and bruises you sustained there is gonna be some pain."

"how long have I been out?"

"3 days… I brought you here to protect your pride… a few friends of mine came in to fix you up."

"Thanks Dave, I appreciate it. I'm sorry you had to do that… oh lord what you saw! Oh was anyone else on the team there."

"No. and before you ask, he's dead."

"you actually took the shot?"

"yeah a promise is a promise."

"any damage due to friendly fire?"

"Just your wrist. You were passed out and it burned you as it was going past." His phone buzzed and he smiled.

"What?"

"this is the 38th time one of them has called to check on us today."

"you told them!"

"no details just generalization that you were hurt and that you were staying here for a while."

You laughed slightly "they are all downstairs, arnt they?"

"Yeah… Garcia keeps going out and coming back with baskets and gifts and stuff… Derek keeps trying to dissuade her from doing that."

"You and I both know she isn't going to stop until she knows I'm alright."

"can you handle having all of them here to see you at the same time?"

"I don't have a choice do I?"

"not if they have anything to say about it. I need to finish something downstairs I'll be back in about 45 minutes."

"oh yeah leave me with the mob…"

"they are more like the mafia…" he said laughing at your unintended humor.

You threw a pillow weakly at the door as he snuck out. You saw the door open again and you threw another pillow hitting Morgan in the chest.

"Hold up guys, she is armed and dangerous… they only look like harmless pillows…" everyone laughed and you talked about what went on and it was a little while later that Dave came back up.

"ok ok you guys a little less excitement. Our patient need to relax." He said and he placed a tray in front of you. You lifted the towel off the basket and you saw a lovely batch of Arancinis.

"You remembered"

"I told you I would" He leaned down and whispered "And I do love you."

Dave began to move away so as hard as you could you pulled him down so that your lips finally touched. you shared a passionate kiss which was broken by a camera flash and some applause. Dave, who was leaning over too far lost his balance and nearly fell on you. Morgan grabbed Dave's arm quickly and helped him to his feet.

"All right what did I say about no excitement! Everybody out!" Dave said ushering everyone out of the room. You still heard their conversation though as you began eating one of the arancinis.

"Took them long enough" Reid said to JJ

"Yeah, but Hotch won't be happy about missing this" JJ replied.


	6. Fluff II

FLUFF II

DR.G: Maureen owns nothing except the plot… even the butterfly plush isn't hers… that belongs to JJ ;)

Everyone knew that you couldn't see without your glasses. That made you even more angry when you woke up and couldn't see. just because you were officially the youngest didn't mean you got to be treated like the youngest. That was Reid's rank. What they didn't know was that after you get very hostile, you start to panic when you can't see. You were on your way home and had another hours plane ride.

"Alright! Where are my glasses?" you ask blindly standing and feeling for anything stable within reach. Hearing something behind you, you turn and aim your gun straight forward. "Identify yourself NOW!" you shout.

"WOAH! WOAH! Pump your breaks Pretty Momma!" you hear the dashing yet prank prone Derek Morgan.

"Derek, where are my glasses?" you demand lowering your weapon and putting it back.

"Um… about that…" you hear Dr. Spencer Reid from some sort of diagonal direction behind you.

"There better be my glasses intact and in my hand at the end of that sentence or I will shoot at the next thing I hear." You say extending one hand while the other is hovering over the gun at your hip.

"Your glasses broke." Says Aaron Hotchner from behind you after taking the gun at your hip. This startles you and you turn around.

"I never take them off how the hell did that happen?" you ask crossing your arms in front of you. "And give that back!"

"The guys were fooling around with them. Prank war." JJ said.

"I thought they were pulling pranks on each other not everyone else."

"we tried to warn them…" Rossi chimes in.

"Forget the gun! When I can see again you boys are so dead! I'll kill you with my own bare hands!" you pause for a minute when you hear the sweet innocent voice of Miss Penelope Garcia.

"or I could send blackmail photos to everyone in the building…" she says smiling and then adds in an authorative voice "Of both of you."

"Why am I in trouble! He started it!" you hear Reid say, his voice rising in pitch. "This whole prank war was his fault!"

"Hey it's not all my fault pretty boy! You skrewed with my music and my phone! That does not go un answered!"

"You caused me to change my number! How does that go unanswered?"

"You could ha~~" Derek starts in again…

"Alright that's enough." You shout over their bickering "You should be ashamed of yourselves! The pair of you! You two are arguing like a couple of toddlers!"

"Hey" you hear Hotch say

"Jack and Henry behave far better than those two." JJ remarks

"You see my point then." You feel around for something stable and incidentally grab someone's arm. "Who is this?" when there was no answer "Who do I have?" You say the irritation rising in your voice.

"REID." came the 5 other voices unanimously.

"Thank's a lot you guys!" he says.

You move your hand up the fabric covered flesh and soon feel his neck and then the back of his boy band haircut. You hit him hard on the back of his head.

"OW!" you feel him jerk away from you "She just hit me!" he shouts

"You deserved it." Says Rossi

"It was your prank that got her glasses broken." says Derek

"Don't start that again! You're next Cocoa Puff!" you say as you turn carefully and start heading slowly toward the voice.

"What? You think I'm coo coo enough to stay within your reach?" you hear his foot falls on the floor "I don't think so."

You trip over something and sigh. "I give up." You manage into a sitting position without bumping anything. "Just tell me what kind of broken they are, maybe I can fix them."

"Uh… About that…" you hear Reid say hesitantly as you feel someone take your hand and turn it palm up then something being placed in your hand. You slowly feel the items and find that someone stepped on your glasses shattering the lenses.

"Oh great… You guys do know that I can't see without them right?" you shout rhetorically "What were you even thinking when you took them?"

"That you would wake up and find that Derek had them and he would have no choice but to feel your fury because he was sleeping too and would have had no idea how he ended up with them…" Reid says quickly.

"You were not supposed to answer that Spence." You say as you feel the turbulence from landing. "good grief…" Your anger dwindles and your fear starts growing. "ok… ok… Derek, come help me up I won't hit you on the back of the head." You say. You feel a presence approach you and touch the top of your head. You raise up a hand and Derek pulls you up. Once on your feet you hit his chest as hard as you can.

"You said you wouldn't hit me." He protests

"On the back of the head. I hit your chest." Your smile fades you can't keep the tears of fear at bay and you lean into him.

"Hey, it's alright." He says holding you close. "I'm not mad at you." He begins to rub your back.

"What did you do to her?" Penelope's voice came loud and clear.

"I didn't do anything" Derek said "She just started crying."

"How would you like to go blind at the hands of people you call friends?" asks Rossi. "I expect it isn't very pleasant."

"She has an immense and amazing amount of control over who she is and who she allows herself to trust." You hate it when Hotch profiles anyone on the team especially you. "Her phobias and paranoia are not out of place with her past. Trust is earned and unlike you Derek, she trusts no one at all."

"I didn't mean to break them!" Reid burst out.

"Don't blow a gasket Junior G-Man! You're fine, she didn't hit you as hard as I will when you get back to the office!" Garcia shouts and back and forth they went as the plane finishes its landing. You listen to them argue for a minute. Then you look at Derek without seeing him.

"I hate it when Hotch profiles the team. It feels weird to hear him talk about us that way."

"Was he wrong?" Derek asks already knowing the answer.

"Derek, I cant see. I have no way to protect my physical being without being a danger to myself or others." Your eyes begin to hurt from the blindness "It's not even been an hour and my mind is going crazy…" you sigh and you hear someone say the plane has landed "It's been years since I have been at the mercy of those around me."

"It will be alright, I'm here for you." Derek responded releasing you and taking your hand. "Come on let's get off the jet and then figure out what to do next."

You hear him tell Reid that he was on luggage duty. Reid didn't complain out loud but he sort of grumbled a bit. You silently allowed Derek to lead you to the side when the rest of the team were getting off. You feel another presence stop next to you. The unknown grabs your hand abruptly and you pull away.

"Don't be alarmed," Rossi says "I'm just going to help you off the jet." He grabs your hand again and you pull away moving your whole body into Derek's and his arms wrap around you once more.

"Don't worry about it Rossi, I got her." Derek says.

"You sure?"

"Yeah we'll be fine."

"Alright…" Rossi says as he moves away.

"Ok" Derek says to you after everyone has left "I can't lead you out of here so we are gonna try something different. Ok?"

"OK…" you whisper, barely audible even to yourself.

Moments later you are being carried on Derek's back from the jets exit. You feel yourself and Derek go down the steps. Once you feel him stop and loosen his grip on your legs you tighten your grip around his shoulders so that you can get down easier. He lets you down easy and then gently touches your shoulder. His hand travels down your arm slowly and softly until it reaches your hand. Once his hand has your hand in its grasp he pulls you along not letting go of you until you reach the SUV's in the parking lot. You hear Garcia yelling at Reid through his phone and JJ, Rossi and Hotch talking amongst themselves.

"So you finally got her out of there?" asked JJ

"Yeah it wasn't too hard. So, why are you guys still here?" Derek asks

"You have both sets of keys." Hotch says

"Oh, I only grabbed one set," Derek replies.

You have the other set in your pocket. You let go of Derek's hand and get the keys out handing them to the closest person who isn't Derek. JJ says a word of thanks and announces that she will be taking the other three guys home so that you and Derek can have a straight shot to where ever you need to go. You hear all the doors on one SUV open and you stand there waiting while they pull away. Derek, like before, finds your hand again and leads you over to your vehicle. You hear him open the door. Your eyes just can't stop the tears from flowing.

"Hey, baby girl, what's with the water works?" he says taking his hand and tracing your tears path with his thumb.

"Derek, I'm terrified." You say "The only other time I didn't have my glasses was the day I went blind."

"I won't let anything happen to you, I promise," he says helping you into the car "I'll protect you."

He shuts the door and walks around to get in on his side. You hear him get in and close his door. The car turns on and silently you ride with him for a while. Eventually you sigh and instinctually turn toward the driver's side of the car.

"where are we going?" you ask

"Where do you want to go?" he replies

"Back in time to kill Spence while I can see him." You joke

Derek laughs "Sorry angel, I can't help you with that one. Anywhere else?"

"I don't know…" you say

"Good, then I'm taking you with me…" He replies. "We are going to go to my place, is there anything you want from your house first?"

"Maybe a few books but I won't be able to see to read them."

"I'll see if Penelope can get them on audio."

"Thanks…"

"anything else? Tooth brush, Hair brush, clean clothes…"

"Oh, I hadn't thought of that. Those should all be in my go bag."

"Ok. Good."

"Why good?"

"Because we are already at my place."

"Oh."

Derek gets out and comes around to your side of the car to help you out. He gives you fair warning before he comes in physical contact with you. He leads you into his apartment complex and then had you get on his back to go up the stairs. You put your arms around his chest and he stood up straight gently holding you up from behind your knees. You sigh as he heads up two flights of stairs to his apartment. He sets you down and unlocks his door. he leads you in and sets you down on the couch.

"I'm going to get our bags. Do you need anything before I go?"

"A teddy bear…" you joke. Seconds later you feel something soft on your skin and you reach for it instinctively. It is a plush butterfly.

"It's JJ's she left it here one day when I was babysitting for her." You can hear the smile in his voice. "Not a teddy bear but it's nice enough for what you need right now while I'm downstairs."

"Thanks." You hear the door open and close. You hear his footsteps fade away and you stand up and feel your way around.

_His apartment floor is soft, probably carpet or he has a lot of clothes laying around… the sofa isn't far from the door… where is the bathroom?… what is this? Oh it's the kitchen counter… OUCH… Blasted thing is made of glass… that wasn't very helpful… perhaps there is a paper towel someplace around here… ah! There it is! Now I'll just wrap this around here and then make my way back to the couch… _You hear the door open and close.

"Bad news, all our stuff is in the other vehicle so you're gonna have to wear something of mine for to- what on earth happened?" Derek runs over to you and grabs your hand abruptly. You try to pull away but his hold was too tight. Your fear overwhelms you. "What Happened?" Derek asks again his voice sounding harsh and angry. You whimper and back away, hitting the wall sooner than you expect. "Tell me what happened. I thought you were going to stay on the couch." He still sounded angry.

You lower your head and try to pull your hand away. You get your hand free and you push him away and run past him heading in the only direction you could, forward. You feel along a wall and find a door. Guided by your instincts you go in and close the door behind you. You feel the door handle and find the lock and you lock Derek out. You pull out your cell phone and press and hold the number 7.

_Ring- Ring- Ring- "Speak to me my lovely one."_

"Hey Penelope."

"_Hey sweetie how are you?"_

"Umm… can you call in my glasses?"

"_Yeah I can do that for you, are you ok? You sound scared." _

"I think I cut my hand on the glass countertop"

"_What happened?"_

"I don't know…"

"_How bad?"_

"I don't know…"

"_I'll call in your glasses on my way over…" _

"I'm not home I'm in Morgan's apartment…"

"_Why are you at Morgan's?"_

"He brought me here. He went down to get our bags and that's when I got hurt. He yelled at me so I ran into another room and locked the door behind me."

"_Oh… Well I'll head there then…"_

"you will? How long?"

"_Yes, 15 minutes… tops"_

You say goodbye to Penelope and close your phone. You shy away from the door when you hear a knock on it for the fourth time. You feel along the walls and find a piece of furniture nearby. You slowly move your uninjured hand along the piece and realize you are in Derek's bedroom. You move along the wall and bump into his dresser. You don't want to rifle through his things so you think it through before opening the 2nd drawer down finding a button up shirt that you could borrow until you had something of your own. You changed into it folding up your shirt and jeans and putting your hair up into a messy bun with one of the hair ties around your wrist. It comes down past your knees, and the sleeves are way too long so you roll them up. You rid your hand of the paper towels and tie the scarf on your belt loop around your palm. You feel your way back to the bed and curl up on it pulling your knees as close as you can to you. You hate that you are afraid of Derek but there is nothing else you know to do. You are vulnerable and the only thing you know to do when you are vulnerable is hide. You could just kill Reid right now, you are so mad at him. Derek knocks on the door again.

"Let me in we can talk about this, angel." He says

"Leave me alone!" you shout back "I'm waiting for Garcia to get here!"

"Look I'm sorry I frightened you," he says "you have a pretty bad cut on your hand. I was just worried. We need to get that taken care of. Please… Just let me in."

"NO! She said fifteen minutes and its been 12! she should be here any minute! Leave me alone!" you shout back pulling your knees into you even more. You hear a knock but this one is farther away. You hear Derek and Penelope talking in the distance.

"What did you do to her?" Penelope says walking in, her foot falls bold as her personality with the high heels she must have on. "There's blood! Why is there blood? What happened?" You feel your way to the door and unlock it then you hurry back to the bed and pull your knees back toward you.

"I don't know she wouldn't tell me. I accidentally scared her. I got a little upset because she got hurt and I kinda raised my voice that's all." Derek says "Ouch! HEY!" you don't know what she did but good for her for doing it.

"Where is she now?" Garcia asks.

"She's in my room, but good luck getting in, she locked the door." he replies.

You hear a knock at the door "sweetie, it's Penelope, I'm gonna come in ok?" you hear the click as she turns the handle and soon you feel her big bold presence by your side. You shy away as you feel her presence get close to you. "Your glasses won't be in for a few days," she says. You feel someone grab your injured hand and you pull away. "It's ok, we are only trying to help" she says.

You aren't sure if it's Derek or Penelope but the person grabs it again and you try but can't get loose of their grip. It must be Derek. He unravels your hand and starts cleaning it with a wet wash cloth. It stings and you pull your hand away this time getting out of his grip and backing away from him. He is faster than you thought because he pulls your ankle through the sheet and pins you down at your waist.

"This is only going to hurt for a moment." He says as he takes your hand and tries to clean it again with the cloth.

Your mind goes back to that night when you were 14. You went blind and the only thing your father said was that it would only hurt for a moment. You twist and fight against Derek's grip eventually getting loose and blindly moving off the bed and across the room. You find a corner on the other side of his dresser and you curl up on the floor. You hear Garcia walk over to you with those heavy foot falls.

"Your hand is hurt, I'm need to clean it for you, ok?" she says.

You nod. She gently cleans your palm and then wraps something around it.

"I have wrapped it in gauze, ok?" you nod again "Your glasses will be in soon, do you want to stay at my place?" you shake your head. "Are you sure you will be ok here?" you nod.

"I'm too tired to go anyplace." You say. "I'm sorry to be so scared, and I'm gonna kill Reid when I get my glasses. Thanks Garcia."

"You're Welcome. I'm gonna go I have a dinner reservation to get to. Call me if you need anything." You are sure she is half talking to you half talking to Derek. "Don't worry I'll see myself out"

"bye Baby Girl." Derek says

"Stay cute Baby Boy." She shouts back "And don't scare her again!" she adds just before you hear the front door close.

"Hey, sorry for scaring you."

"It's ok."

"Come on let's get you into the bed." He says "I'm gonna pick you up and carry you over there" he places one of his arms under your knees and the other behind your back and you put your arms around his neck. He sets you on the bed and takes hold of your uninjured hand. "You ok?"

"Yeah, just scared." You say he covers you up with a warm blanket and squeezes your hand.

"Ok, I'm gonna take the couch tonight" he goes to leave but you wont let his hand go.

"Will you stay with me?" you ask "Even if it's just until I fall asleep?"

"sure pretty momma." He gets on the bed and lays sideways on top of the covers, putting his arms around you. You smile inside because you finaly found someone to trust. You fall asleep in arms of love.


	7. Fluffed II

FLUFFED II [rossixreader]

DR.G: Maureen owns nothing except the plot… even the butterfly plush isn't hers… that belongs to JJ ;)

You just married the very charming David Rossi. The reception is lovely and you are outside beneath the stars.

"I've never seen you look so lovely as you do tonight…" Dave said as he kissed you

"it seems like everyone wants to be next to me…" you sigh "It feels weird being the center of attention."

"I don't think anyone has ever seen you shining so bright, you look amazing"

"Everyone keeps asking me to dance except you"

"Everybody just wants a little romance… Wait even Reid?"

"He isn't a very good dancer, but he is sweet."

"Should I be jealous?"

"Of course!" you teased and walked off toward the cherry blossom tree. You leaned against the hard trunk and hid behind the wall of flowers.

"Did you dance with Morgan too?" he followed you to your hiding place

"Maybe" you smiled sweetly.

"A flower from the wall for my beautiful wall flower…" he said picking a cherry blossom and placing it haphazardly in your hair.

"This almost perfect" you said, looking up at the moon

"Dance with me?" he asked offering his hand.

You took his hand and he led you out to the grassy dance floor. The moon light caught your Garcia-Glittered hair and the sparkle in your eyes. He began to hum a song you used to know. Suddenly you heard a single gunshot and every agent pulled their weapon. Every agent except Rossi, who pulled you back beneath the cover of the cherry blossom tree. Then he saw the look in your eyes. The music still played in the background.

"AARON! DEREK! SOMEONE! COME HELP US PLEASE!" he called

"It's no use, Dave." You looked at him. "At least this marriage won't end in divorce."

"why didn't they shoot me?"

"They were probably aiming for you but…" you coughed "You're Italian," you winced in pain. "The bullets knew better…" you laugh at the unintended poison ivy joke making him smile.

"You're Italian too,"

"I'm not… I'm Sicilian…" the pain was numbing and you gasped for air. "Big difference."

"Yeah? like what? who takes the bullet?"

You laugh at this and then become serious. You looked into your new widower's eyes. Your white dress slowly soaking in the red beneath it.

"Dave, I'm dying and they're playing our song. Please… Just dance with me."

"Alright" he sighed and he danced with you behind the wall of cherry blossoms

"Dave, Promise me… you won't forget?"

"I'll never forget the way you look tonight, I promise."

"And that I love you, my love." Your breath staggered like your feet.

"oh my lady in red, I love you." He said as you took your last breath.


	8. Fluffy II

I KNEW SHE COULDNT RESIST THE CHOCOLATES. YOU HAVE LESS THAN 12 HOURS TO FIND THE CURE OR SHE WILL DIE WITHIN THE NEXT 24. USE THIS TIME WISELY.

NEED A HINT? YOUR NEW GIRLFRIENDS FIRST CHAPTER BOOK PAGE 153.

LOVINGLY YOURS

LA

PS: THE POISON WORKS FASTER IF THE VICTIM PANICS

FLUFFY II [REIDXREIDER]

DR.G: Maureen owns nothing except the plot… even the butterfly plush isn't hers… that belongs to JJ ;)

You walk into the office Monday morning to find a little heart shaped box of chocolates on your desk. You haven't read the note but you already think you know who it's from. You look up and see him walk in and take off his messenger bag.

"You know, I'm pretty sure having a relationship with a co-worker is against several regulations" you say with a smile as you take the lid off the chocolates and take one with cream filling putting it in your mouth.

Reid looks at you with a confused look "that's an odd way to start a conversation. But who is having a relationship with whom? Garcia hasn't told me anything."

"Don't play coy, Spence. Everyone knows that you and I are sweet on each other." You eat another chocolate "I can have forensics find your fingerprints on this box and you know it."

"What box? I honestly have no idea what you are talking about."

"Right like you really didn't write me this letter?" you asked holding up the box of chocolates and the still sealed, very thick envelope.

"I'm telling you I didn't write you a letter or leave the chocolates on your desk. Open it and read it if you don't believe me." He says with an irritated look.

He seems more irritated that you don't believe him than that you would call him out on the gift. You sit on the edge of the desk and pop another chocolate it looks to be a solid milk peice in your mouth. It tastes bitter compared to the other ones. 'It must be dark' you think as you open the envelope and take out the many tri-folded pages. All of them are blank except the last one. The last page has a funny written messege on it:

URL ERVQ,  
V XARJ FUR PBHYQAG ERFVFG GUR PUBPBYNGRF. LBH UNIR YRFF GUNA 12 UBHEF GB SVAQ GUR PHER BE FUR JVYY QVR JVGUVA GUR ARKG 24. HFR GUVF GVZR JVFRYL.  
ARRQ N UVAG? LBHE ARJ TVEYSEVRAQF SVEFG PUNCGRE OBBX CNTR 153.  
YBIVATYL LBHEF  
YN  
CF: GUR CBVFBA JBEXF SNFGRE VS GUR IVPGVZ CNAVPF

"Yep this is totally you Spence… How am I even supposed to pronounce this?" You ask handing the note to Reid and putting another one in your mouth.

He looks at the note and recognizes his name is encoded as the second word on the page. You see his eyes go very wide and then he reaches across the desk dividers and pulls the box off your lap. He counts the number of pieces missing [5/10] then takes the lid and the envelope from you.

"HOTCH!" He yells running over to the stairs.

"What's going on?" Hotch asks as he runs over to you and Reid. He is followed by Derek, JJ and Dave.

"Spence? What is it? Whats wrong?" You ask thinking this is some strange joke. You think he is acting weird… well weirder than normal… so you follow him then you start to feel dizzy.

"Derek, take her to the emergency room."

"Spence?" you just get to the railing and you grab hold of him to steady yourself.

"Why? Whats going on Ried?" he asks coming down the stairs toward you.

"There's no time to explain but she has been -" he stops as he sees you swaying.

"Spence, what's… going… on?" You fall to the floor. "Spencer, I cant feel my legs. Whats happening to me?"

"you can't panic, that makes it work even faster, stay calm."

"Makes what work faster?"

"The poison…"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~insert commercial break~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you could no longer move the lower half of your body. They wanted to send you to the hospital but your upper half put up one hell of a fight. JJ, Derek, and Rossi stood over with Hotch talking about something.

"You really didn't put the box on my desk?" you ask from the wheelchair you had been placed in.

"I really didn't," he says

Penelope Garcia comes in and ran over to you. "I cross referenced the initials L.A. with anyone from your past and the only person I came up with was Lila Archer."

"Well that will teach me to read the note before blindly eating chocolate…" you laughed.

"how can you find this funny?" asks Reid.

"it's ironic. I have been done in by my own guilty pleasure. How do you not see the humor in that?"

"I just don't. It isn't funny that you have been poisoned because someone wanted to get back at me."

"you don't even know what my guilty pleasure is do you?"

"It's chocolate. Isn't it?" he asks as Garcia stifles a giggle.

You roll your eyes and shake your head "what does the note say again?"

"what was your first chapter book?" Reid asks

"uh… The World Of Pooh. Why?" you wonder

"do you still have it?"

"someplace… why do you need my first chapter book?"

"The note says: 'your new girlfriends first chapter book page 153' I need that chapter book to find out whats on the page."

"you have an eidetic memory, why do you need the book?" Derek joins in

"I've never read The World Of Pooh."

"What do you mean you never read The World Of Pooh?" Garcia asks

"I don't even know who Pooh is."

"Really?" you ask astounded by this revelation.

"Yes really. Can you guys please stop asking questions? We have less than 10 hours to find the cure for that poison. I need to know what's on page 153 of that book."

"It's the Contradiction which carries over to page 154 and the Dedication on page 155." Says Garcia surprised by his outburst.

"why is there a dedication in the middle of the book?"

"The book the world of pooh is a pair of books written in sequence by A.A. Milne" you say and you wheel yourself over to your desk.

"what are you doing?" Derek asks following you.

"what does it look like I'm doing? I'm getting for my book. I only come a few places and I remember having it…" you reach your hand under your desk and pull hard on the back of the desk drawer. "here!" you say as the drawer slides open. You pull out a tan book "I had dozens of versions of this book… I had most of the spinoffs too." Turning it over in your hand you tossed it to Reid, who caught it against his chest.

"It looks like the author is misusing the language to me"

"Hey… Someone has underlined something in here… a pair of math questions?" Garcia chimes in reading over Reid's shoulder.

"ah yes" you smiled "that's when Christopher robin is learning how to solve his problems…" you say and your speech slows as you realize what you need. You wheel over to a file cabinet and you try to open a drawer with your initials on it. You struggle for a minute and realize you can't get it. "Hey tall, dark, handsome, and stronger than me, a little help over here."

"Sure thing mama." Derek strides over to you. "What do you need?"

"this drawer wont open. I need the book at the back."

Derek pulls the drawer and it opens with ease. He pulls out Winnie the pooh on problem solving and hands it to you. You know this means the poison is reaching your upper body. You quickly hand it back and wheel yourself over to Reid and Garcia.

"What are the math questions?" you ask

"ones a times table and the other is about cows." Garcia says

"the one about cows wont be useful now. Whats the times table?"

"9 times 107"

"that's 963… hey coaco-puff, would you please turn to chapter 9?"

"sure thing" derek says opening the book. "Looks like it's about the fair." He hands you the book but your hands wont move correctly so it falls to the floor. Garcia picks it up

"the fair wouldn't be it…" you think for a minute "Try page 107"

"That's about pretending in order to solve the problem… Is that any help?" she asks you after skiming the page.

"What's on the following page… there should be a list nearby someplace…"

"yeah things to pretend in order to solve it."

"that's it…" you were running short of breath…

"what's it?" Asked Rossi as he, JJ and Hotch came over.

"Fishing…" you answered. "that note from the L.A. person to Reid was a misdirection. L.A. isn't past lover of Reid's. He is a past criminal in mine. I put him away for malpractice when I was a probie at NIS. I was undercover and he prescribed a drug for PTSD that had potentially lethal side effects. It was pulled by FDA officials but he was still prescribing it and giving samples out. We countered it with another drug and thus saving several lives and tax dollars. No one died but that's because we got to it in time. They all said it was bitter… like dark… dark chocolate…" You look around and see the lights and everything blur.

"What was the other drug?" Reid asks

"I don't remezore ohg vg jbhyq or va gur svyr" You reply your voice in a whisper. "V guvax V fubhyq tb gb gur ubfcvgny abj, V qba'g srry fb tbbq." You see the look of concern. "cyrnfr v pnag oerngur..."

"Damn!" Reid says "call 911 we're losing her." And you fade away

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Insert Commercial Break~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You wake up in the hospital. You open your eyes to see your reflection in the mirror. The very sweet Spencer "never get on his bad side" Reid is lying next to you in the bed his arms wrapped around you.

"Are you awake?" you whisper gently.

"No…" he whispers back.

"Liar" you say

"we found the drug in the file… it was a sleeping pill… it was used to induce comas."

"yeah, I told you that…"

"yeah… hey can I ask you something?"

"I guess."

"if chocolate isn't your guilty pleasure then…"

"you mean you really don't know?"

"No Idea…"

"you." You turn over in the bed

"me?" he questions

"mmhmm… but don't tell Reid because he would get really jealous…" you see his dumbfounded look and start laughing. "Spence! I'm teasing you!" you say lightly hitting him on the chest.

"Why do you keep doing that?"

"In my family if you don't get teased it means you arnt loved"

"do what? How does that make sense? What does that even mean?"

"It means because I love you." You say.

"Eating chocolates are just like making love. Did yo~" he started but you cant stand it so you quickly lean in and begin kissing him and he starts kissing you back.

Hotch and Rossi were watching this from the other side of the glass wall and both their jaws dropped at the sight.

"you mean that's all it takes to shut him up?" hotch asks

"Looks that way…" Rossi replies


	9. De-Fluff II

DEFLUFF II

Dr.G: Maureen owns nothing except the plot… even the butterfly plush isn't hers… that belongs to JJ ;)

You sit in the chair handcuffed to the table. The room has a mirror on one of the walls. You have no idea how you got here or what is going on. A man comes in and sits down across from you. He has a police uniform. He sits there asking you how you got the blood on you. You say nothing. He raises his voice and starts shouting about men being murdered. You have no idea what he is talking about so you still remain silent. He tells you that he is going to get your confession one way or another. Your fear grows as the man stands and walks toward you. He gets in his pocket and takes out a needle with something in it, he is ready to use it on you. You cant let him do that. He grabs your wrist abruptly and aims the needle. You kick him in the knee and the needle flies as he falls. You look over at the mirror, someone must be watching, they must know that you are innocent. He stands back up and hits you hard across the face. You look at the mirror again. You don't know what to do as the man walks across the room to retrieve the needle. You mouth the words "help me" to whoever is on the other side of that glass. The man in the room walks back over after placing the needle he had in one pocket and then pulling out a different needle from the other. He encases your legs with his own and grabs your arm again. You struggle beneath him but the needle doesn't miss its mark.

"this entire case is based around your guilt… no more you, no more murders." He whispers with a sinister smile but before he can push all the drugs into your system…

"leave her alone!" Enter heroic shadow figures.

"it's a simple truth serum!" He says backing away.

The needle is still in your arm and the uniformed man had pushed it halfway in before backing away. Your eyes blur and you begin to shake. The needle comes loose but with a price. The full dose is now in your system. A different man comes over and picks up the needle. He is only a few years older than you. You reach out to him trying to steady your warbling vision.

"It's dilaudid. Hotch, it looks like it's a lethal dose!" The man says.

You see a man of dark skin holding the uniformed officer toss the keys to the young one. A 4th man, one in a suit, rushes over to you. You look up and can't quite see him, he looks at you and then at the younger man.

"What do I do?" Asks the younger man

"Uncuff her and lay her flat on her back." Says the suit. "Then we wait for her to stop moving."

They move you to the hard floor and your head bangs against it once before someone holds it steady just long enough to place something soft beneath you. You still process your surroundings as the shaking gets worse.

"She isn't going to make it," you hear the uniform say "there's too much in her system!"

"Get him out of here!" Says the suit.

"Even if she lives she will be comatosed for the rest of her life! At 24 that's atleast 50 years as a vegitable!"

Their conversations fade away until you can only hear your own breathing and the memories in your mind. You reach out very shakily toward the man with the suit. You manage to grab his pants leg. You pull until you feel him move. You can't seem to think of anything right now except the uniformed officer. He kneels down next to you. Your hands move up toward his arms and shoulders. Your body still convulses as he wraps his arms around your upper body being sure to support your head in the crux of his arm. You mouth wordlessly as you stare at him.

"I can't understand what you're saying."

You try as best you can to make sure the words are being made but all you can do is breathe. You haven't spoken in years. There hasn't been any way for you to talk. You try again the words fully forming on your lips. Your voice still gone, your hands speak the way. You begin shakily writing on the man's hand.

"Wait wait! Start again." He says

You begin again spelling out your four letter message. **"SAFE" **and its punctuation **"?"**

"Yes, you are safe. Can you tell me how you got the blood on you?"

**DEAD MAN**

"What dead man?"

**FOUR**

"4? Did you know him?"

**YES **

"How did you know him?"

**BABY JIRL**

"Baby girl? You were his baby girl? His daughter?" that's not right.

You move your hand like you are erasing a chalk board. **JIRL J! J! J! J!**

"I don't understand. What about the letter J?"

You don't have the strength to think of anything else to write to explain things to him. You only knew to draw a heart. You put your hand up to the man's jacket pocket.

"You loved him? You wouldn't hurt him if you loved him." He looked at you and then looked up. He didn't understand so you put your hand shakily into his button up's pocket. The strength left your hand and you tore the man's shirt.

"There was something in the fourth victim's pocket." Said the voice of the youngest man, "a letter and a business card."

"What did the letter say?" The suited man asked. He didn't seem at all upset by his torn shirt.

The younger began to recite from memory but the suit asked for a summary.

"It was a letter to him from his little sister. But instead of using a g the sister wrote girl with a j. I presumed it was a misspelling that went with other misspellings in the letter." The younger looked at you in surprise "It appears that I could be wrong."

The suit looks down at you. "Are you the sister?" You nod ever so slightly, but he still recognizes the affirmative. He looks to the younger man "Analyze the things we found in the fourth victim's pockets" the young man left and you and the suit were alone.

**I TRY WARNING… **a tear rolls down your slowly paling cheek

"it's ok, it's ok," he says rocking you back and forth "shhh, shhh, it's ok. We know you did your best."

**SORRY POCKET**

"Oh don't worry about that I have 19 other shirts just like it."

**NAME?**

"My name? Oh, I'm Aaron Hotchner."

**SO SERIOUS **

"Oh that's just how I am." He pauses "Your body reacts differently than others to this drug. Why is that?"

**ALCOHOL**

"What do you mean?"

**3X LEGAL LIMIT **you pause to draw a smile **CHAMP STILL SOBER** your look changes from one of joy to one of sorrow. **DYING?**

"I don't know if you are dying or not. The last time I saw the side effects to these drugs, Reid passed out immediately we thought he was dead and he was given less of it than you have in your system."

**READ? **

"No, Not read, as in reading a book Reid as in Dr. Spencer Reid. He is the younger agent who just left."

**TOO SKINNY… DIETING?**

"No, he isn't dieting that's just a part of who he is. As far as we know he has always been thin."

**DARKER SKINED?** You feel the shakiness go away.

"oh that's morgan."

**BOY NAMED MORGAN? GAY?**

"That's his last name, his first name is Derek."

**VERY WELL BUILT. LADIESMAN?**

"He likes to think so. How are you holding up? The shakes are going away. Maybe you can talk again."

**NO. **You shake your head. **6 YEARS OF SILENCE. **You move so that you are sitting indian-style in front of Aaron.

"You haven't spoken in 6 years? Why not?"

**NO VOICE TO. **

"What made you stop?"

**SINGING COMPETITION**

"You can sing?"

**NOT ANY MORE**

"What happened?"

**ACID POISONING TORE UP MY THROAT.**

"Who would want to do that?"

**KILLER **

"The same man who killed your brother?"

A tear rolls down your cheek. **YES.**

"Do you know his name?"

**NO.** You look around the room and unsteadily begin to rise. Aaron stands as well and you almost fall over but he catches you.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him? Could you point him out?"

**I DONT KNOW**

"Ok that's alright if you don't know but would you give it a try?"

**SURE.** You let go of Aaron and steady yourself on the bolted down table. Aaron places a hand on your hip to help steady you. You sit yourself on the table top and take his hand again. **SAFE?**

"you are very safe. I wont let anything happen to you."

**LETTER.**

"The one you wrote?"

**NO. THREATENING LETTER.**

"One that you received? Do you still have it?"

**YES. **

Then the young guy burst in with the darker skinned man Reid and Morgan were their names you think, and a decidedly Distinguished Italian looking man followed them in. You grip Aaron's arm and pull him closer to you.

**UNSAFE. UNSAFE. UNSAFE. UNSAFE.**

"You are safe, you've met Dr. Reid and SSA Morgan, and that's SSA David Rossi."

**MAFIA OR MOBSTER?**

Aaron laughs at that. "Neither. And I don't think he would appreciate that question."

"What did she ask?"

"She asked if you were a mobster or from the mafia…" the Italian made a face of annoyance.

Aaron turns back to you. "They are my friends they wont hurt you, I promise." He looked over to the youth, Reid. "What have you figured out?"

"The letter was coded with misspellings and added capitalizations. Even the hello is misspelled."

"What does the code mean?" asks the newest addition to your aquaintences.

"I have no idea I only know what it says I have no idea what it means." Reid says

"she knows what it means, she wrote it, she can tell us what it says." Says the tall dark man, Morgan you think.

You shake your head. **MEMORY GONE** you wrote on Aaron's hand

"You don't remember what the letter means."

You look down shaking your head as he says this. You know you should remember but somehow you just don't know. Perhaps this was an effect of the drug injected in you. You bury your face in his shoulder.

"it's probably an effect from the drug." Says the mafia mobster… what was his name… Rosie? Rosetti? Something like that.

The door swings open with a bang and a skinny blond woman comes in followed by an alien from outer space.

"Is this her? Oh my gosh! Is that blood? Does she have blood on her clothes!? Why does she have blood on her clothes? Is she hurt? Why was she brought here? Why not take her to the hospital …" the maroon haired being started yelling at Morgan.

You hide yourself behind Aaron even more. Your 24 year old body could be incinerated by whatever mind powers the strange being has. **NOT SAFE** you write on his shoulder. You underline it a time or two. **FEAR** you write and for no reason you start to cry into the back of his shoulder.

"No, no, these are more of my friends. It's alright," he holds the hand you have on his shoulder. You grip his hand tighter as the strange colorful being comes toward you.

"hey sweetie, I'm Penelope. And that's JJ" she says in reference to the blond skinny woman. "we are here to help you." You scoot closer to Aaron.

"she is afraid of most everyone. She can't speak." He informs the rest of his friends.

**ALIEN OR MONSTER?** You write on Aaron's hand. this time he smiles.

"She is our technical analyst."

**HACKER?** He laughs.

"yeah,"

"what did she say?"

"she asked if you were an alien or a hacker…" the Hacker made a face like the Italian had. Morgan laughed at this and you drew a frown on Aarons hand to signify that Morgan was being mean.

"I wouldn't laugh if I were you, when I told her your name was Morgan, she asked if you were gay."

That stopped him.

**GIGI PRETTY DRESS. **

"gigi? Oh JJ?"

You nod. And the blond woman identified as JJ gives a questioning look.

"she says your dress is pretty."

"what did she say about me?" asks the young one, Reid.

"that you were too skinny, and asked if you were on a diet or something."

**SORRY**

"For what?"

**MAKING ASSUMPTIONS**

Aaron laughed. And at the teams curious looks "she says she is sorry for making assumptions. But they are funny."

"Depends on the assumption and the recipient." Said Reid.

**HACKER HELP? **

"Garcia, she is asking what kind of help you mentioned"

"Oh with your memory kitten."

You draw a sad face and tap your neck.

"Were you hoping for help with your voice?"

You nod. You were honest to a fault… you even told on yourself when you were younger. How silly was that?

"well, we can work on that later…" says the one with the pretty dress "right now we really need you to tell us what you find familiar. Ok?"

You nod and then cringe when the colorful hacker lady extended her arm to take you with her. **NOT GOING ALONE**. Your grip, if possible, tightens around his arm and you lace your fingers in his hand.

"I'll go with you." He says and you get down from your perch on the table. You are a little wobbly from the sudden movement so you lean on Aaron. You get to a room with a bunch of computer screens, some had words others had pictures, and you point out a picture of a stage immediately.

"what is the stage for?" you write swiftly on his hand "slow down slow down, that's too much and too fast"

"Here, type it up on my laptop." Said the hacker

**THAT'S WHERE MY COMPETITION WAS AT, I WAS UP NEXT SO I HAD MY BROTHER WATCH MY STUFF WHILE I WENT TO CHANGE. HE LEFT TO SEE WHERE MOMMA WAS AND DIDN'T TAKE MY SODA GLASS WITH HIM. A TALL MAN WAS STANDING BY MY DRINK, HE GREETED ME VERY PROFESSIONALLY AND WALKED OFF. I ALWAYS THOUGHT HE WAS THE ONE WHO POURED SOMETHING IN MY DRINK. BEFORE I COULD SING I DRANK SOME OF IT BUT IT TASTED NASTY AND I FAINTED. I NEVER MADE IT PAST THE CURTAIN. THE MEN THAT WERE KILLED WERE IN THAT COMPETITION. MY BROTHER WAS MY ACCOMPIANIST WITH HIS TWELVE STRING GUITAR. THAT COMPETITION IS IN LESS THAN 48 HOURS AND IT IS ON THE SPOT JUDGEMENT. THERE ARE AS MANY ROUNDS AS THERE ARE TIES EVERYONE STARTS AT ZERO AND THE HIGHEST SCORERS WIN THE ROUND IF THERE IS ONLY ONE HIGHEST SCORER [WHICH NEVER HAPPENS] THEN THAT PERSON WINS THE COMPETITION. **

"So the killer is targeting musically inclined people?" Aaron asks

**NO. IT IS A SINGING COMPETITION.**

"But your brother is a guitarist." The hacker says. You smile at this.

**I NEVER SAID HE COULDN'T SING. HE SANG FOR ME IN THAT COMPETITION SIX YEARS AGO. HE MADE IT THROUGH TO THE FINAL ROUND. HE DIDN'T WIN BECAUSE OF OUR REGISTRATION FORMS. WE WERE DISQUALIFIED ON THE TECHNICALITY THAT THERE WERE TWO REGISTERED AND ONLY ONE PARTICIPATED. **

"what was your song"

**GREENSLEEVES.**

"How often do they have this competition?"

**EV **

You stop typing and turn away. Your eyes are fixed on, ironically, the sixth screen across the row. The picture of you and your brother. You fold your arms over your abdomen. The tears fall. You just stand there. The hacker doesn't know what to do and Aaron tells her to research the competition identifying her as Garcia. You take a sharp breath when Aaron comes up from behind you and turns you around. Noticing your tears and down cast eyes, he goes into father mode and takes you in his arms.

"It's a tri-state competition, they get over 2000 applications only a handful are rejected and that's usually because they missed the deadline or they missed something on the form, entry fee is 10 dollars per person, grand prize winners are not allowed to win twice in a row, and it takes place…" she stops just as you did, she clears her throat. "It takes place every 6 years."

You turn, reach forward, and start typing. **HE DIED BECAUSE HE WANTED TO WIN FOR MY VOICE. THERE WAS A SURGEON OUR DOCTOR SUGGESTED TO HELP REBUILD THE DAMAGE TO MY THROAT. WE COULDN'T AFFORD THE SURGERY, BUT HE WAS SO STUBORN. HE PROMISED I WOULD SING AGAIN SOMEDAY. HE WAS COUNTING ON THE 10,000 PRIZE MONEY. I TOLD HIM NOT TO ENTER. I WARNED HIM HE WOULD GET HURT. HE INSISTED THAT HE WOULD BE FINE. HE NEVER LISTENS TO ME. I WENT TO TRY ONE LAST TIME TO TALK HIM OUT OF IT. WHEN I GOT THERE I LET MYSELF IN AND I **

You stop typing again and turn away.

"is that when you found him?" Aaron asked. You nod into his chest. "what happened next?" you reach up and hit him gently on his shoulder with the side of your fist pushing in your thumb... "that's why you were there giving him CPR, that's why you fought us when we pulled you away."

**HE DIED FOR ME. THERE WAS NOTHING HE WOULDN'T DO TO PROTECT ME, TO MAKE THINGS BETTER FOR ME. THE SUBSTANCE THAT WAS INJECTED IN ME MADE IT SO MY BODY WOULDN'T MOVE. I HAD TO WATCH MY BROTHER DIE. HIS LAST WORDS WERE "YOU'LL SING, I PROMISE" BLOOD COMING OUT OF HIS MOUTH. BLOOD SPEWED FROM HIS LUNGS AS I WAS ADMINISTERING CPR. THAT'S WHY THERE IS BLOOD ON ME. **

"I have a spare set of clothes for each of the team members. Something is bound to fit you." Says Garcia. You cling to Aaron and shake your head.

"We do need your clothes for evidence, maybe the killer left something on them." He says. You nod slightly and Garcia leaves the room.

You look down at your WDM shirt and your denim jeans. The blood and ick that covers them is substantial but you love that shirt because it was your brothers. You had "officially" stolen it right before the competition, when one of his coworkers accused him of wearing perfume, but you had been wearing it ever since your brother had gotten it and 4 others from his work. It was always big on you and you liked that part, but what you liked best was the safety and trust it represented in the relationship with your brother. You are lost in the memory of the fight you and your brother had over that shirt when Garcia returns wheeling a very tall 10 drawer cabinet with labels on each drawer.

"Garcia, I thought you said you only had one set of spare clothes for everyone."

"I do, sir. The rest of each drawer is filled with spare accessories like family clothes, cell phones, mp3 players, books, toys, pasta, you know just the essentials." She says.

**WHY DOES SHE STORE PASTA FOR ROSETTI? **You write on Aaron's hand

"Rosetti? Oh… why do you store pasta for Rossi?"

"Because he is Italian, and it isn't just for him. There is enough pasta and other non-perishable ingredients in here to feed the whole FBI 3 good solid meals every day for a week. Now, Let's see what your style is…" she looks hard at you and you hide behind Aaron again. You move around to the front of him as Garcia moves to look at you. "would you stop moving, I'm trying to look at you." She says. You move again as she comes around to the front of Aaron, but he holds you still. You back up into him and grip his arms tightly. Suddenly Garcia stops looking at you and she moves over to the cabinet. She opens the drawers labeled "Sir" "Master of all things Italian" "Baby Boy" and "Junior G Man". She pulls out a few things from the first one and one thing from each of the others. "Here, these should fit you, pick which ones you would like to wear."

Before you she placed three top options and three bottom options. She also placed an assortment of hair things. the clothing options were suprising, because there were blue jeans, kahkis and a long black pleted skirt. The top options were a white button up, a black tee shirt, and a very dressy blouse.

"Garcia, your labels are based on what you call us," Aaron said looking down at the options presented, the skirt in particular, "why did you pull a long black skirt and hair pieces out of the drawer marked 'Sir', that's what you call me."

"Family clothes. They were in there for Haley. I never took them out because you started dating Beth and I have yet to find her size." She said very quickly with nervousness. She looks at you "go on, pick what you like."

You look up at Aaron and as if he already knows, he nods his approval and gives you a little push forward. You point to a silver metal headband with a blue and black flower bow, the pleated skirt and the black t-shirt. You look at Garcia, who had gotten towels and bath sets of varying types and colors. Once you choose the navy blue towel set and the milk and hunny bath set, she smiles.

"Follow me kitten. We need to get you cleaned up." She says.

She picks up all the items you had chosen and put them in a bag along with a few large evidence bags. You back up against Aaron once again. Once you find his hand, he lets you pull him with you until you get to the ladies showers. Garcia holds the door open and you follow her until your safety net stops and leans against the wall. You turn around and look at him.

"I can't go in with you." He says "Don't worry, I'm going to be right here when you get out."

Somehow you just really don't like that answer. You reach over to Garcia and pull a pastel blue scarf from its place on her hip. You fold it over itself several times and without warning you blindfold Aaron and pull him in the ladies locker room.

"Sir, I think this is against one of your rules," Garcia says stifling a giggle.

"I think I'll over look it."

You take the scarf off of Aaron and look around the room you entered. To your great joy you see that the ladies locker room has a bunch of single person shower rooms. You open a door and see that there is a place for the shower and a place for drying off and brushing teeth and all that hair fixing stuff that you never quite got into, as hard as your momma tried, you couldn't stand your hair being done up fancy.

"wow this is a lot nicer than the guys lockers."

You pull a CD out of your pocket and hand it to Aaron. **LISTEN WITH ME?**

"Garcia, do you have any cd players here."

"In every shower room, Sir."

"Do you have a room with a divider? For a separation of agent and victim or suspect?"

"in every room, sir" she repeated

"Follow me then." Aaron pulls you with him into the first shower room and Garcia follows close behind. Garcia puts the bags and things down on a counter top and takes the cd from Aaron.

"ok, your gonna get cleaned up and we are gonna work on gathering evidence from your clothes ok?" Garcia says over her shoulder. You tighten your grip for an instant and then you hear the disk playing.

"_No mom stop it! Get that thing away from me!" _

your voice rings loud and clear through the room.

"Is that you?" asks Aaron

**YES **you write and you go into the shower portion of the room. Garcia presses a button on the wall and a screen comes down from the ceiling like a projection screen.

"just leave your things in the basket on that side and we will get them in a minute." Garcia calls to you.

"_mom! Get that thing away from me!" you said through fits of laughter. The sound of running gave way that you were trying to retreat from your mother._

"_Don't worry Mom! I got her for you!" enter deep voiced older brother. The flopping on the sofa was unmistakable. _

"_YOU TRAITOR!" you cry out through laughter  
_

"_he was always on my side" says your mother._

"_that's not fair! Tickling is against the rules!"  
_

"_alls fair in love and war sis!"_

"_alright I'll do whatever you want!" you say through your laughter "just make him stop with the tickling!"_

"_HA!" _

"_All right that's enough, go on and get your guitar, and you go get the lyrics." Footstep fade away and soon return accompanied by a voice and the strumming of a guitar. _

"_follow the cues on the page." Your mother says_

"_that means you start." You say. The guitar plays for a few bars and your brother begins:_

"_I have been ready at your hand,_

_To grant whatever you would crave,_

_I have both wagered life and land,_

_Your love and good-will for to have." _

_Your soprano voice joins your brothers base:_

"_Greensleeves was my delight,_

_Greensleeves my heart of gold_

_Greensleeves was my heart of joy_

_And who but my lady Greensleeves."_

_He keeps playing but his voice becomes silent_

"_Alas, my love, you do me wrong_

_To cast me out discourteously,_

_For I have loved you for so long,_

_Delighting in your company."_

_Once again your brother joins you in song"_

"_Greensleeves was my delight,_

_Greensleeves my heart of gold_

_Greensleeves was my heart of joy_

_And who but my lady Greensleeves._

_Thou couldst desire no earthly thing,_

_but still thou hadst it readily._

_Thy music still to play and sing;_

_Come once again and love me"_

_There is one last chorus and it only has your name by it so you finish the song with great passion_

"_Greensleeves was my delight,_

_Greensleeves my heart of gold_

_Greensleeves was my heart of joy_

_And who but my lady Greensleeves."_

_Your brother plays the final chords and then stills his guitar_

"_Beautiful! Absolutely wonderful!" says your mother. "Now do it just like that in the competition and you two will win for sure!" _

_CLICK-CLICK _

"her voice… it was beautiful…" you hear Garcia say as you close the curtain. "what happened?"

"Acid tore up her throat, damaging the vocal chords."

A similar version with a few chord edits came through on the cd and then you spoke again.

"_Oh no mom made you bring that?"_

"_she wants to know what we sound like when we are dressed up and in a competition. You know without the giggling." Says your brother "Besides she wants our sister to hear it, and she is sending a copy to our great aunt."_

"_the one in ohio or the one in Wisconsin?" you ask_

"_both I expect."_

"_good grief! I'm going to get changed. Watch my stuff?" you ask_

"_sure" comes your brothers reply. You walk away and he plays his guitar. A few moments later the guitar stops and he calls out "MOM! Mom over here! Mom!" he sighs and his footsteps fade away into the hustle and bustle. Your footsteps return following a second pair that had been there mere seconds before you. _

"_Excuse me?" you question_

"_Hallo" says a british voice._

"_May I help you?" you say _

"_You have the voice of an angel, Miss… Why, Even hearing just that last chorus, 'twas beautiful." he said "So young with such a beautiful voice. wIf you were to sing like that for the judges today you'd win for sure." An announcement is made for everyone to report to their registered room. "well," says the british voice "I must be going now." _

"_who was that?" your brother asks_

"_I have no idea," you say "whats our number again?"_

"_23. Are you ready?" asks your mother._

"_as ready as I'm gonna be" you reply there is a klink of metal on glass, a crash of glass shattering, and a thud. Your brother calls your name and your mother calls 911.  
"yes there is something wrong with my daughter… I don't know… No… yes…"_

"_Number 23!" a voice calls_

"_go! She'll be alright."_

_There is a pause._

"_Number 23" _

"_GO NOW!" your mother says "take this with you." _

You step out of the shower and pick up a towel, wrapping it around yourself. You dry off as you hear your brother's deep voice singing all the practiced verses alone. The round 1 judge gives him a perfect 10.

"Are you ok in there?" asks Garcia absent mindedly

You knock on the wall in morse code. **DRESSED BUT HAVING HAIR TROUBLE**

"do you want some help?" Aaron asked, against his better judgment.

"what did she say?" asked Garcia. She was a digital girl, Morse code was analog to her.

"She is having trouble with her hair"

**SURE**

You hear your brother on the CD sing again and again getting a perfect or near perfect score every time. Aaron comes in and begins to brush your hair. You look at him in the mirror. You take his hand and write on it again. **YOU'RE GOOD AT THIS. **

"Thanks, I used to brush my wife's hair when she didn't know what to do with it." He said. You close your eyes and relax to your brothers deep beautiful voice. Then it is announced that he won the competition.

"_wait just one blasted minute! YOU are number 23?" the same british voice who had conversed with you earlier on the recording nearly shouted._

"_uh, yeah." Said your brother._

"_And who might you be?" asks the round 1 judge who had given your brother a perfect score. _

"_I am a fellow competitor, and I lost to this little blighter in the 9__th__ round of the competition! I demand he be disqualified!"_

"_On what grounds?" your brother demands_

"_Application Falsification! He played for a young woman earlier, and he performed for the judges alone! If he had sang with the girl he would not have made it past round one!"_

"_You take that back! My sister is twice the singer anyone here could ever be!"_

"_gentlemen, please! Lets talk through this like civilized human beings." Said a round 2 judge. "Did you lie on the application" she asked_

"_Not intentionally. My sister was the one rushed away in the ambulance just before the competition began. I honestly didn't think I would make it this far."_

"_you are very good, my boy, but rules are rules. All members on an application must participate in the competition. Intentional or not."_

"_well at least I know I can do it."_

"_Apply as an individual next time, you have a gift, you will win again."_

"_I will claim my prize now, if you please" says the british man._

"_i'm sorry sir, the grand prize goes to the runner up…" the conversation fades as the judges and the british contestant argued about the grand prize. _

"your brother has a wonderful voice."

**HAD **You write on his hand. A tear involuntarily rolled down your cheek. Aaron turns you on the swivel bar stool and traces your tears path.

"_Hey momma, any news? … yeah I won, but was disqualified on a technicality… oh no, has anyone told her? … how? … is there any way to fix it? … good Lord, why so much? … experimental? Well in that case they should be paying us to use her as a guinie pig… no, It's not funny but that's how I deal with things like this… no… Yeah… ok… I'll be there soon…" your brother's phone was heard with a clipping sound on his hip._

"_You should have gone with her in the ambulance!" the british voice returns to the tape. _

"_Excuse me?" your brother asks_

"_If you had gone with her in the ambulance I could have won this competition!"_

"_Look man, I'm not in the habit of going against my mother. If you want to go up against her be my guest. I wanted to go with them. I'm sorry that I got as far as I did especially alone, but I have to get to my sister." The footsteps indicate he is walking. _

"_Don't you walk away from me!" a random and akward guitar chord is heard. "OW! BLOODY HELL! YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!" _

"_Yeah, not so worried about what you could do to me. Best see to that broken nose of yours though."_

The cd stops after that, returning to the beginning and the sound of laughter.

"That British man, was he the killer?" he puts the headband in your hair

You nod. Taking the scarf that you had used to blindfold Hotch earlier, you tie it around your middle, and make yourself look unusually fashionable.

"SIR! I found him! Voice recognition places him as a music therapist, his wife and 2 children left him 7 years ago to live with her mother because he was sued for malpractice, the suit was later voided but his reputation and business had already been ruined and it is very likely that he entered the competition for the prize money to start a new practice. His wife still loves him but he cant stand her mother. His wife had given him 7 years to fix the problem if he hadn't fixed it within that time she was filing for divorce. And she officially filed 2 weeks ago…" Garcia went on and on and finally she got to his current address. A motel across from the competition's location. Aaron called for Morgan to go get the guy and the guy gave a confession filled with rage.

It was over. Your mother had been called, the competition had been alerted that there was no longer a threat against them, and you didn't need to be afraid anymore. You were just about to leave when Aaron grabbed your hand.

**DO YOU TRUST ME? **He writes on your hand

You nod and allow him to drive you to a hospital. He has paid for your surgery.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~24 hours later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Well?" your mother asks "did it work?" you see that she is holding that stupid little tape recorder.

"MOM! Get that thing away from me!"

"it worked! Oh it worked! Say something else for me! I havnt heard your voice In 6 years 2 months 3 weeks 4 days…" your mother doesn't let you get a word in edge wise.

"Mom! Stop! Come on, you know it wont be the same without him…"

"I know but you can still sing together for that competition, I had him do just his part once if you ever sang again."

"I think I might have something more fitting" you say and you write a second name on the application.

You went to the competition the next day, the judge looks at you. "number 23?"

"Yes sir,"

"and what will you be singing for us today?"

"Green sleeves, in honor of my brother"

"And who have you brought to accompany you?"

"FBI Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner."

And the guitar begins to play


	10. Fluffy III

FLUFFY III

DR. G: Maureen owns nothing except the plot... Even the model airplanes are not hers. Those belongs to Prentiss.

You got back home from the latest case. You couldn't feel anything. Your heart was cold your body was numb. You had been clean for 2 years today. You had thrown away all your tools for cutting. The urges had cropped up before, but never this strong. You look at your hands, they are playing with the scarf at your belt loop. A bright yellow one that Garcia had given you after seeing you with the blood stained one for so long. You began hitting your leg gently while roaming aimlessly through your apartment. You made it through your psych eval just barely as you did every time. This case had hit closer to home, because the un-sub was a mirror image of you. The only difference was you had gone into the FBI. Literally.

~_FLASHING 2 YEARS BACK_~

"_Dr. Reid, there is a girl here who won't leave." says the security guard "we told her we would call the police but she just stood there looking down at her feet and mumbled something about the world being better off if the serial killer was already at the FBI" _

"_Where is she now?" Asked Dr. Reid._

"_Over there," said the security guard gesturing to you, a hoodie and blue jeaned figure, staring at your pidgin toed sneakers and playing with the scarf tied on your belt loop "she is unusually obedient, she listened when I told her to follow me and when I told her to stay by the elevators"_

_Dr. Reid stood and walked over to the elevators, "who are you?" he asks_

"_A serial killer." You reply almost inaudibly. The security guard and Reid exchange a look and the security guard gets in the elevator._

"_Follow me" Dr. Reid says walking away and into the bullpen area and over to the desk where Reid was sitting before he was interrupted. _

"_Have a seat and hold out your hands." he says. You comply, revealing your blood stained hands from the scarf you had been wrapping them in. Reid reaches in to his desk drawer and pulls out the handcuffs putting them on your wrist. _

"_Come with me" Reid says walking up the stairs into the round table room. _

_You place your hands down, strategically hiding them in the scarf you continue to play with, and follow Reid to his destination. He points to a chair at the left side of the table and tells you to sit and stay there. You comply and he leaves the room. Upon his return a few minutes later he is followed by 5 other people. You continue to look down just as you have this whole time. _

"_Who are you?" Reid asks again._

"_A serial killer." You say again. _

"_Show us your hands." He says. You unravel the scarf you have tangled around your wrists and reveal your blood caked hands to everyone present. _

"_Whose blood is that?" Reid asks almost sounding like he knows the answer._

"_Mine…" you whisper. Garcia hits Reid on the head and takes the keys from him_

"_OW! What was that for?" Reid asks._

"_For handcuffing a girl who is possibly hurt." Garcia says unlocking the handcuffs and pulling the hoodie off your body in one swift movement. _

_The hoodie removed reveals a short sleeve old work shirt with blood splotches all over it. All other persons in the room either gasp or curse under their breath. Garcia sees there is blood flowing from someplace. She looks at JJ who takes the hint and has the boys turn and face the other way. Garcia lifts up your tee shirt and JJ allow the boys to turn back once they see you have a third shirt on. The blood splotches on it are far larger than the ones on the short sleeve shirt. The bleeding is coming from just under your shoulder on the inside of your arm. Garcia takes the scarf from your belt loop and presses it to the wound._

"_What happened?" Reid asks. You say nothing. He repeats himself and again you say nothing. "Garcia move!" Reid had finally snapped. He had never taken charge like that. Maybe it was because you were the first person he had met that was actually shier than he was, or maybe Hutch had rubbed off on him. He knelt down in front of you and said "look at me." You do nothing "I said Look at me!" and he forces your head up by your chin. He looks at your black eye and busted lip, but his demeanor does not falter. "What happened?" he said again this time with greater force behind the question._

"_I didn't want to kill them." You said looking past him off into space. "So I tried killing myself instead." Reid lets your chin go and your head drops to its previous position. _

"_What do we do with her now?" asks JJ "She hasn't actually done anything criminal."_

"_We keep her here," said Rossi "she has the heart of a saint and the mind of a killer, without the multiple personalities." _

"_She could be an asset to us." Said Hotch "she bridges the gap between suicide and homicide." _

"_Do you think she is stable enough to stay?" Garcia asks_

"_She was willing to come here for help, there must be some part of her that wants to keep others from her potential fate." Said Derek_

"_She will be fine if she lives through today." Reid says, and with that he leaves the room. _

_~FLASHING FORWARD TO THE PRESENT~_

There is a knock at your door. "Who is it?" you ask already knowing the answer.

"It's Reid, May I come in?" he came after every case. You would never answer and he would always let himself in. he would talk with you about what went on during the case and he would fall asleep in the arm chair staring at you as you would fall asleep on the sofa across from him. It was like he was profiling you while you were at peace, but you didn't want that tonight… tonight was different… tonight you chain-locked the door when you got home. Tonight you answered the question for the first time.

"No." you said quietly as you leaned against the door.

"Why?" Reid asked in a demanding tone.

You didn't answer you just walked away from the door. Walking into the bathroom you open the top drawer and find the pack of ladies razors. You walk out to the kitchen with one of the razors and pry open the plastic placeholders allowing the sharp steel to fall to the counter. You look up and see that Reid has unlocked the door and has it open as far as the chain will permit. He is reaching in and attempting to unlock the door. You look down at the steel and take off your short sleeve grey shirt. Your grey tank top is new and clean of any stains. That will change tonight. You untie the scarf at your hip and hide it in the silverware drawer so that it won't get blood on it and you fold your blue shirt methodically placing it on top of the icebox. You look up and see that Reid has removed his hand and appears to have gone away leaving the door open just slightly. You pick up the blade and run the sharp corner of it across your arm. A crimson stream begins flowing and you feel the adrenaline rushing through your body. You look at your hand as the blood drops off of it. you hear a loud bang as if someone were shooting a gun. That instant you instinctively look up and Reid has broken the chain on your door. More accurately he shot it off the door frame. You make another slit, this time on your forearm. As he walks through the door you know he is going to stop you when he reaches you so you make as many cuts as you can within the 68 seconds it takes him to get over his shock and angrily run over to you. He pins you against the icebox behind you holding your hands above your downcast head.

"Look at me." He demands.

You stare at the floor. When you don't look up he takes one hand and forces you to face him, but your eyes are closed.

"Open your eyes, or I will." Reid says, his tone never faltering.

You open your eyes out of fear and a drop of blood falls to the floor just centimeters in front of you. The adrenaline rush for you has ended as quickly as it started and you sink to the floor as far as Reid will let you, still having your hands pinned above your head.

"Stand up straight." Reid says. When you don't listen he pulls you up by your shoulders finally releasing your wrists. He pulls you up hard and leads you into your bedroom. It doesn't take much for him to push you onto the bed. He takes out his handcuffs and cuffs your wrists together then he leaves the room. While he is gone you take the razor blade that is still in your hand and you cut along what you can reach of your neck and chest. He returns with a stack of towels. His cursing tells you he thought the blade had been knocked out of your hand when he pinned you against the icebox. He hurridly takes the blade and you curl up into yourself, arms around your knees and head buried. Reid unlocks your wrists and forces your right arm to extend. He wraps a towel around your cuts. Never speaking as he wraps towel after towel around your arm. Your phone rings. Reid picks it up and flips it open.

"This is Dr. Reid… yes… she didn't make it… no I don't think so… yeah we probably could…" he looks at you and sees that your neck is bleeding worse than he expected. "scratch that, we definitely do… the three of you would be very helpful… no don't call them, they would totally freak out… yes that was it… and bring lots of gauze and a few ace bandages." He closes the phone.

"Who was that?" you ask inaudibly,

"Be quiet, the less you talk the less blood you will lose." Reid tells you. "Derek, Hotch and Rossi are on their way over."

"I want to lose blood," you whisper. "It's the only way to rid my mind of these homicidal thoughts."

"There are other ways, now hush." Reid says. "They were on their way over to celebrate your 2 years clean. I had arranged for them to come with a cake and party things." Then he gave some statistic of how long addicts stay clean without relapsing

He takes the towels and pushed them against the cuts on your chest forcing you on your back. It doesn't take much for him to make you lay flat. Your bed was not sheeted and you leave your mattress in its plastic, so the blood that fell on the plastic and pooled beneath you. Your blue jeans were not going to survive this and Garcia would finally get to take you on a shopping spree. If you survived this you would definitely not survive that. It seems like forever before the three other men arrived.

"Reid?!" Morgan calls, panic in his voice.

"In here," Reid calls back

The three men enter your bedroom, lower their weapons and gather around your bed. Their many hands make quick work of bandaging your wounds. Once they had finished they stood and crowded around the foot of the bed.

"How do we go about cleaning her up?" asked Derek.

"I'll take her to the bathroom and get her cleaned up, changed and such." Reid said "there are trash bags under her sink, all the towels should go in one of them."

"Will she make it?" asked Rossi

"Yes." Hotch said. "The blade she used was small and she cut recklessly, the cuts were superficial the only reason for the excessive blood was the number of cuts."

"Morgan, you get some clothes for her and go with Reid," Rossi said "Hotch and I will clean off the bed. Does this girl have any sheets?"

"No" Reid says picking you up. "She sleeps on the sofa, she has a fear of her bedroom. She only comes in here to get her clothes and then she leaves."

"This has got to be the most colorful thing this girl owns." Morgan says moments later walking in to the bathroom with the outfit. Morgan had a beige 7 button sweater, a long Spanish black and white paisley skirt, and a black crinkle neck no sleeve.

"It is all her other clothes are either black and white or grey." Reid said as he pulled off your shirt. You were sitting there your back toward him. You were completely out of it and Reid was gently washing the blood from your back.

"So where did she get this beige thing anyway?" Derek asked as he finished hanging the outfit on the hanger.

"I bought it for her and left it on her door one morning." Reid answered putting the black no sleeve on you and unbuttoning your blue jeans. He stood you up and turned you around. "Morgan, Put the skirt on her pulling it over her head." You feel Derek pulling the skirt over your head and past your torso as you see Reid look away and pull your blue jeans down to the floor. For a couple of single guys they kept you as decent as they could think to given the situation.

"So how you gonna clean from the hips down?" asked Rossi as he peeked in once you were decently covered.

"We should only have to clean from her thighs down, the blood wouldn't have soaked through anywhere above mid-thigh" Reid answered, then he gave some sort of statistic on the rate of a liquid soaking through fabric.

Reid pulled your skirt up to mid-thigh length and gently wiped the blood off your legs. You notice out of the corner of your eye that Hotch was standing next to Rossi. You knew you wouldn't get another chance to tell Reid why you did it.

"I had to protect you Reid. I didn't want to kill you." You said barely, but just enough for Reid to hear it. He stares at the top of your head the warm washcloth in his hand dripping red soap suds into the tub.

"Reid?" Morgan questioned the pause.

"What did she say?" Hotch asked.

Reid said nothing, he just rung out the rag and continued his task. After a moment the others one by one walked out saying they would be either in the kitchen cleaning or finishing up on the bedroom. Derek was the last of the others to leave.

"I'll go find one of them to help…" Derek said "Let me know is you need anything else, ok pretty boy?"

"Yeah" Reid said almost by rote. Derek left the room and you and Reid were alone again.

"Reid?" you say

"Don't speak, just wait." He replies.

"No?" you say with uncertainty in your voice. "Reid, I… I need you to understand… I need you to know that this as the only way I could think of to save you… I know the theories of a cutter and the percentage of them who are attention seekers. I am not one of that percentage…" you looked up at him and into his eyes for the first time. "I told you no and you came in any way. You caused them to come. I would have been fine. I had done it for years without people knowing the first official record of my addiction was when I walked into the FBI 2 years ago. Before that no one knew what was going on, they all just thought I was an overly modest and excessive introvert…"

"I don't need an explanation." Reid said. He had finished cleaning your legs and he pulled your skirt back down to its full length.

"But I need to know that I told you," you say as Reid pulls the beige sweater up over your shoulders "Reid… I want you to know… I need you to know that I did this because I had to save you. My mind processes things in an obscure illogical way. My mother was an angel on earth if ever there was one, I lived and learned from her most of my life she taught me to love... unfortunately she was always the better part of me. My father was a psychopath. He is where I get my mind…." Your eyes blink at the sudden tears. "He taught me to kill, and as hard as I try I can't keep the urges at bay without an adrenaline rush of some kind. This time it was a deep need and desire to kill you. I just didn't know how else to keep you safe…" you hear footsteps

"Just stop for a moment" Reid instructs.

"Hey Kid, we got the blood all cleaned off, anything else we can do?" Rossi asks

"Did you search the house for sharp objects?" Reid half questions

"Yes," Hotch says "We took anything she could possibly use to hurt herself that wasn't bolted to the apartment."

"Almost." Says Morgan and he reaches in the drawer pulling out the pack of ladies razors. "Now we have everything."

"Will you two be alright here?" asks Hotch.

"Yes. We'll be fine." Reid replies for both of you.

Hotch, Rossi and Morgan say goodbye and Reid leads you with him to the front door to see them out, his hand gently around your waist. he shuts the door and then releases you. You look at the floor not daring to pick up where you had left it without being given permission, not htat you knew what to say next anyway.

"Look at me." Reid says

You move your head upwards, but your eyes look down to the left. You don't want to make eye contact again.

"Dammit, Look at me!" he yells.

Reid's outburst scares you and you crumple to the floor, covering your head with your arms in a protective fashion. Your personality was submissive. You knew that. It was so submissive in fact, that even Reid could make you cower in fear and that's just what he did tonight. You waited for the man to roughly yank you from your position and start hitting you or push you to the sofa and do something else. You expected him to be angry and to try and choke you. You did not expect what happened next.

"Put your arms down" Reid said.

His tone was filled with a seriousness equivalent to a funeral procession for the queen mother. You were too scared to disobey. Your arms fall to your sides you feel him lift you up and he carries you over to your sofa. You expect him to drop you, but instead he sits down and rests you in his arms.

"Open your eyes and look at me." He says.

You open your eyes and see his face. You see a look of sadness and near despair. You close your eyes again. You can't bear to see him sad and hurting. He moves some of your ragamuffin hair out of your eyes.

"do I look angry?" Reid asks as if he knew you thought he was mad.

"No. you look lonely," You reply your eyes still closed. "You look like someone you love is dying and you have but a moment to tell them that you love them."

"you are not dying." He says "but you need to let me help you, because I do love you. OK?"

"K" you reply sleepily. Your adrenaline rush has subsided. You are coming down in a spiral, things are spinning, you look up and meet his eyes.

"You need sleep." Reid says "we can talk about this tomorrow"

"I love you… Spencer." You see for the first time a smile on his face.

"I love you too." He says as you fall to sleep.


	11. Fluff III

FLUFF III

DR. G: Maureen owns nothing except the plot... Even the model airplanes are not hers. Those belongs to Prentiss.

You wake up with your head hurting and you feel like you are gonna hurl. You can't remember a thing from last night… you thought you only had a gin and tonic then several glasses of ginger-ale afterward… maybe not… you walk into the kitchen and open a cabinet to get your coffee cup, but it is obvious that someone has re arranged your kitchen again…

"Hey pretty momma…" The dashing Derek Morgan walks up behind you and puts his arms around you and kisses the crook of your neck.

You spin around quick and look at his very tall body. Thankfully he seems just as startled as you and retreats to the other side of the 6 foot wide kitchen. you don't know if it's because of the situation, or that you don't seem to know what's going on. You look up and down at him noticing he is in plaid cotton pajama pants. You look at yourself and see that you are wearing a pajama shirt to match. You look around the kitchen to see that you are in a hotel room. You and the team had just finished a case and everyone was spending a few extra days in Florida to unwind. You regain your composure just an instant faster than Derek.

"Derek…" you say slowly, "did we…?"

He doesn't respond he just looks at you

"Oh God…" You escape the scene and run into the bedroom. You look around and see several whiskey and brandy bottles. There are a few beer cans scattered near the trash can and the bathroom door is slightly open with the light on. You go in there and see blood on the floor and the mirror is broken. You see a pile of clothes and instantly recognize that they are yours. You forget everything else and just put your blue jeans on. You check your pockets and find you have a room key and your credentials. That's enough to have while you go downstairs and get something for breakfast. You run past a very confused Derek and make your way down stairs. Everyone was supposed to be relaxing so seeing Hotch was the LAST thing you were concerned about. Until he walked by and started noticing certain things.

"Hey" Hotch said "can we talk?" he seemed relaxed so you figured you could blow him off for now

"Now isn't a very good time." You said.

"No actually I think it's a perfect time" Hotch said in his In-The-Office-I'm-In-Charge voice and he grabbed your arm and led you away. You were flustered. what could possibly be so important that Hotch pulled away from his first vacation in years? Especially when he was on his way to the airport to pick up Jack and Jessica to join him for the unplanned endeavor. He lead you up to the room you should have stayed in last night and asked you to open the door. once you let him and yourself in you saw all the empty alcohol bottles, broken glass, blood and torn up papers. You looked at Hotch and then back at the room.

"I… I didn't do this… right?" you asked almost sounding as timid as Reid.

"Not most of it, no." Hotch said

"What happened?" you asked in as solid a voice as you could use. You felt a strange sensation in your back

"Only you, Spencer, the show girl and Derek would know." He replies

"Where is Reid?" you ask your voice filled with concern. You feel strange like there was a bullet going through your chest.

"at the police station with the show girl."

"What show girl?" you ask as you turn and leave the room, heading back downstairs

"She went with Derek back to his room last night, Reid said something about Derek drowning his sorrows and talking about you too much making the showgirl snap. She must have come in here when that happened. How many glasses of whiskey did you have?" Hotch asked

"I don't remember having any…" you thought for a moment "oh I did drink whiskey last night… I lost a bet with Rossi…"

"what was the bet?" Hotch asked.

"not important, but… the deal was if he won I had to stomach 2 bottles of his whiskey and If I won he had to suffer through Garcia's Italian tofu dish twice and still ask for seconds." You touched your wet forehead you must be sweating. "since we were officially on a forced vacation, he took the opportunity to explain why never to make a bet with an Italian"

"that's why you and Rossi left together?" Hotch asked surprised

"well duh! He left right after tucking me into bed. The whiskey bottles were huge. What else would he be doing…" you see the look on your boss's face. "EW! HOTCH!" you push him against the wall. "Wait is that what Derek thought when… oh shoot!" You leave Hotch in the hallway busting down the door next to yours.

"Derek!" you call out. He doesn't answer but you hear the bath turning off. You stumble into the steam filled bathroom and see Derek looking at you very shocked and confused. You open your mouth then close it because at first you don't know what to say. You look at him for a moment taking in the chocolate-ness of his chest with the red plaid-ness of the pajama bottoms he is wearing. Your eyes fall closed.

"_Oh Derek it was just some silly bet I lost with Rossi about how many model air planes Prentiss had! Nothing happened between him and me. I just drank a couple bottles of whiskey and Rossi left and no lines were crossed between you and me last night we were too drunk to do anything Oh Derek, I'm so sorry didn't tell you about that bet. If I had this none of this would have happened. We should only assume that the showgirl hurt me pretty bad last night after she snapped because of all the blood I saw. Reid must have brought me in here for safety afterwards. Oh Derek I love you!" _

That's what you would have said if you hadn't passed out first. The only thing that comes out is "Derek I love you." you grab hold of the sink and unceremoniously fall to the floor.

"Stay with me" he says picking you up and running with you down the hall and sliding down the railing on the staircase. After that you don't see anything again until you wake up 10 hours later in the hospital. Derek is there looking the same way he did when you saw him that morning. He was eating your Jell-O and it was the blue kind that you liked.

"Will you hand me that phone" you say in the most serious voice you can manage

"Hey Pretty Momma," he says somewhat defensively but he hands you the phone anyway "the only thing that happened between us last night was a blanket and some very slow dancing."

"I know, I remembered after I realized I had paid off a bet with Rossi." You said still as serious as your mind would let you be. "Hey Reid, I think I have a quick case for you… the profile? Yeah, African American male in his late 30's early 40's, tall, shaved head, he makes you feel at ease before he strikes… victimology? Anyone he knows in a hospital bed… yeah I got a suspect he is sitting right here… he is a serial Jell-O murderer… yes that's right… sure the sooner the better… absolutely… she would be more than welcome... ok… yeah… see you later, thanks Reid."

"What was that all about?" Derek asks you.

"You are in big trouble." you say with a smile as the lovely Penelope Garcia walks in with a heavy duty water gun and her own set of handcuffs.

"Put the Jell-O down, and step away from the dessert!" she says aiming her weapon. She tosses you the cuffs as Derek stands up and puts the Jell-O on the tray. "Now, slowly walk over to the hospital bed and hold out your wrists. And no funny business unless I can join in" she says

Derek is trying so hard not to laugh as he walks over to your hospital bed. You put the left cuff on his wrist and the right cuff on yours, then with all your strength [which isn't much] you pull him closer to you. you don't pull hard but he is startled enough to fall forward and down. He catches himself just in time to keep his strong body from bruising any more of you. his lips and yours are mere millimeters apart. Suddenly he lurches forward, closing the gap, brushing his lips against yours. His eyes search yours because he has lost his bearings and can't fix them while handcuffed. He isn't hurting you, but if he doesn't start actually kissing you soon Garcia is gonna take matters into her own hands.

"Is he kissing you yet?" Garcia asks

"Mm-Mm" you say

"Do I need to shoot him again?" she asks

"Mm-Mm" Derek answers for you just before he takes you into a very passionate kiss and hip bumping the hospital wheelie table out of the way and you hear Garcia closing the curtains. He puts his free hand on the railing and boosts himself so that he is towering over you. when you finally escape for air he lays a kiss on your neck.

"This is officially the best hospital visit I've ever had." You say turning onto your side and making it so Derek has no choice but to wrap his arms around you. your cuffed hands intertwine, and your free hands seem to naturally rest similarly.

"Mm hmm" Derek mumbles tracing your neck with kisses.

"Derek, I want to explain something to you," you say with greater seriousness than before. "This morning, when I became scared because I thought we might have…" you pause, knowing he knew what you meant

"Yeah?" he hesitated.

"It wasn't because of the people involved it was because of how it might have gotten to that point. I wanted to be with you while we both knew what was going on and could enjoy each other without worrying about regrets and stuff." you press the handcuff's button and release your hand but put the open one on dereks other wrist as you turn around to face him. "Does that make sense?"

"It does." Derek says pulling you closer, so close that the pair of you have turned again so that you are laying on his chest. "Because that is why I got scared too."

"Really? You really got scared over that?" you asked

"Yes, I did." He said

"Good." You say softly

"Why good?" he questions

"Because it means that you really love me too." You whisper and you fall asleep in his arms.


	12. De-Fluff III

DE-FLUFF III

DR. G: Maureen owns nothing except the plot... Even the model airplanes are not hers. Those belongs to Prentiss.

"Please! Don't hurt me!" You beg, your back against the wall where he had cornered you.

You had never seen him like this… Aaron Hotchner was the level headed one, he wasn't one to start a fight, he wasn't one to raise his voice at a fellow team member and yet here you and he were. You had just finished a case and you went back to your apartment to "un-wind." How had it gotten to this point?

_~FLASHING 2 HOURS BACK~_

You get home and empty your pockets into the basket by the door. This case was particularly hard on you, the un-sub was killing women because they were single. Taking off your coat you let it fall to the floor. You pull off your shoes and wet socks, dropping them randomly as you walk further into your quiet dwelling place. Your button up and dressy under shirt come off next, making the path you create just a little longer. You unzip your black boot cut slacks, letting them drop and stepping out of them. You get to your bedroom and take off your bra. You pull on an old work shirt. You pull a fleece blanket off its place on the bed and wrap it around your waist for a make shift skirt. You walk back into the kitchen and pull out your secret stash of chocolates. You look at the clock. your mother is probably drunk at home, so you wouldn't be calling her tonight. No one is gonna be coming over here this late, so you leave your clothes where they are. You go over to the couch and fall back lengthways. You put the big bowl of chocolates on the coffee table and stand up as quickly as you fell onto the couch. You go over to the tool box and pull out the box cutter and hammer, setting them on the coffee table next to the bowl. You go into your bathroom and grab a towel. You look at your phone from across the hall. You know you should really call and talk to someone about what's bugging you, but they wouldn't understand. Instead you walk back over to the couch and place the folded towel on the floor and pick up the box cutter. You put a cut on your knee, it isn't deep, but the blood trickles down your leg and you watch it pool on the top of your foot. Once there is enough blood it flows down the side, staining the clean towel. You pick up the hammer and stare at it for a moment. You lay down on the couch leaving the bleeding leg on the floor and taking the hammer by the claw and head. You press it into yourself moaning as the handle penetrates you. You start moving it in and out slowly and you speed up after you find your sensitive spot. You make sure to hit it every time and you get lost in the ecstasy and adrenaline rush of your actions. You fall asleep after climaxing for about 30 minutes being woken up by your telephone going off. You walk over and look at the caller ID. It's Hotch.

_Damn… how the hell does he do that? I have just fell asleep and here he is calling me… _You pick up the receiver and take it back with you to the couch.

"Hello?" you say into the phone.

"Hey," Hotch says

"What's up Hotch?" you ask and you curse under your breath when you realize you trailed blood when you walked across to get the phone.

"I'm just checking to see if you are alright. I know this case must make you pretty scared…" He asks.

_No… ya think? _"Why would I be scared?" you ask keeping your voice even.

"Well, you are a single woman, I called Prentiss to talk about it too. She said that she was pretty freaked out, and that she never knew being single was so dangerous. I just didn't want you to get paranoid."

"I'm in the FBI. If anything, the Un-subs should be paranoid of me." You say. _Uh-Oh… my defense mechanisms are kicking in… I hope he doesn't notice._

"You have come a long way and you and I both know it takes 2 seconds to go back. Are you sure you're alright?" Aaron asks

_Damn… He noticed…_"Yeah, I'm fine." _ God I hope he believes me… _you think

"Ok, well call me if you need anything" he answers.

"I will, have a good night." You say and then you hang up.

You put the phone on the coffee table and pick up the hammer again. You look at it covered in a sticky pinkish substance. You put it back down and look at your leg. The blood has clotted and the adrenaline rush is gone. You become angry at yourself. You are old enough to know that these are not things that a grown woman should be doing and you promised Hotch that you would stop, but you're nervous and angry. You don't talk about deep rooted things. You don't talk about what's going on, and you certainly don't talk about your problems. Especially with SSA Aaron Hotchner. That just isn't who you are. You pick up the box cutter and run it across your knee. Another pool of blood forms on the other side of the towel. You look at the blood trail from the couch to the phone charger. You sigh and decide that you will clean it up in the morning. Right now you really wanted to sleep. You look at the phone one more time. You should call Hotch back, but then that would mean admitting you have a problem and then he would make you talk about it. You couldn't stand that. You turn on your radio remotely and lean back closing your eyes. Then you hear that dreaded sound. What an awful horrible noise it is. Someone has decided to knock on your door…

_It's probably the lady from down the hall._ You think. _She is probably coming to borrow some sugar again, she will go away if I ignore her._ Your phone rings again. _Why is Hotch calling me about this time?_

"Hello?" you answer somewhat annoyed.

"May I come in?" he asks

You sit up straight "What are you doing here?" you ask

"The lady who borrows sugar ran out again, so I brought her some." That's how Aaron replied, but what he meant was "I wanted to check on you. Are you going to let me in?"

"Well I'm not really prepared for company…" you say with evident alarm in your voice.

"I'm a profiler. I know that you hold yourself together like a pair of bookends at work but immediately after you walk through your door you let your hair down out of its perfect bun." Aaron says. You look around for any cameras but see none. "I know that when you undress you leave a path, and there is a bowl of chocolates and empty foils on the coffee table." He says.

"Would you cut that out?" you half yell into the phone "And I don't have empty foils in the bowl!" you add and you hang up violently.

You pick up the remote and throw it across the room breaking a picture hanging on the wall. You hate that Hotch can profile you in an instant and then you hear a loud crack as the door swings open. Enter SSA Aaron Hotchner with angry eyes and gun raised. You look at him for a moment as he looks over at the broken picture and then follows the glass down to the floor. The trail of blood catches his eye and you know what's coming next.

_Oh man… they say you only get in trouble if you get caught… _You think… _I'm in so much trouble… He is gonna kill me over this…_

You watch his eyes follow the trail leading right to your left leg, he looks at the coffee table and he lowers his weapon. You stare at him wondering what he is going to do next. He takes one small step toward you and you bolt, running back to your bathroom, the blood dripping from your leg leaving a scattered path. Your bathroom door is jammed again so you head to your bedroom shutting the door and into your empty walk in closet, closing that door as well. You hear him kick in the bedroom door. You know he must be looking around for you. You walk backwards into your closet further and inhale sharply as you hit the wall before expecting to. You don't think you make any noise, but you are both profilers so he must know you're in there. You watch in terror as the door opens and he comes over to you his eyes, if possible, angrier than before. You press your body farther back onto the wall, illogically attempting to escape what you are sure is coming next.

"Please! Don't hurt me!" You beg, your back against the wall where Aaron had you cornered. You begin to cry as you prepare for the worst. You shut your eyes tightly and slowly sink down.

"Hurt you?" Aaron's voice cuts through your crying.

You don't respond, you just continue crying. You feel a hand on the back of your neck and you tense. _Oh God, what is he going to do now? _

"You have got to stop this. There are better ways to handle this." He takes the blanket you have made into a skirt and holds it against your leg. "I know you don't like talking about what's going on, but we need to talk."

You shake your head. You don't want him to know that you are this way. You don't want anyone to know. You don't want him to analyze you, you can't think of anything more embarrassing. Your boss is seeing you in a very vulnerable state. Self-exploration might be normal for young children or teens, but for a grown woman it really sounds desperate, pathetic even and you have reverted to your old cutting habits. You don't remember anything in your life being as embarrassing as this. At least none of the women on the team were confronting you about it. That would make it at least a thousand times worse if not more. JJ would have a hissy-fit, Prentiss would give you the silent treatment for no less than 3 months, and Garcia would install cameras everywhere and constantly come over and call you and hover over your shoulder and good grief you couldn't stand that. Those would be the _least_ of your worries. Your brain is moving at least a million miles an hour, and Hotch… Hotch was there and he was waiting for you to explain yourself.

"Talk to me," he says. "I'm not leaving until you do."

"Leave me alone… or I'll call the FBI." You say, your line of defense getting worse.

"Not until you talk to me." He says ignoring your corny joke

"I just told you to go away." You say moving your leg from his hold. "Isn't that talking? Or do I have to call Reid for a definition?"

"You know what I mean," he says once again putting pressure on your leg. "You promised you wouldn't cut yourself again."

"Yeah? Promises get broken all the time." You say with spite, you still can't look at him. "I'm only human, I can't be expected to keep every promise I make."

"If you can't keep the promise then don't make it." He says lifting his hand and checking to see how bad you cut yourself.

"You say that like I intentionally broke it." You turn your head toward him without looking up. You see that he is kneeling on the linoleum of your closet next to you.

"It came out worse than it should have, I'm sorry. You don't look like you cut yourself too deep," Aaron says

"I never do. The thrill doesn't last if I'm dead." You reply.

"Please look at me." He says.

"I'm looking at your legs. That's part of you." you reply half-heartedly.

"Dare I say it again?" he mutters. "You know what I mean."

"You think this is easy for me?" you half yell standing up, with difficulty.

"No, would it be easier to talk to one of the women on the team?" Aaron asks standing.

"Absolutely not!" you say fully raising your voice. "This is embarrassing enough, if they found out I'd be doomed! Damned to hell! Worse! Damned to Garcia's lair! With all that cuteness and pink and…" you shudder "fluffiness!"

"I thought you liked the 'fluffiness'?" he half says half questions.

"Yeah that's what I tell her. Garcia is smart, but let's face it she isn't a profiler. I can lie to her and get away with it." You respond, your leg keeps giving way so you hold onto your closet shelves.

"She isn't the only one you get away with lying to…" Aaron says putting his arm around you for support.

"It's not my fault I'm good at poker, and no one suspects me of lying." You hobble out of the confining space.

Aaron manages you into your bed and walks away to get the first aid kit, a wet wash cloth, and a cleaner towel. You remember when your mother caught you… still not as embarrassing as this. You watch as he places the towel under your leg, and opens the first aid kit.

"This is going to sting." He says opening an alcohol wipe.

"No it won't" you mumble.

"What was that?" Aaron asks cleaning your cut.

"It doesn't hurt, I don't feel things… that's one of the reasons I do it" you say watching the blood lighten and fade off your leg and onto the alcohol pads that were beginning to pile up. "There is hydrogen peroxide in the top drawer, you know" you point to a little blue dresser in the corner of the room.

"That hurts both good and bad cells," he says. "You don't feel pain?"

"I feel the adrenaline rush of the cutting but not the pain that generally goes with it or comes afterward." You turn away as he begins to wash away the dry blood on your leg.

"you should see a doctor." He says. you know he is trying to make eye contact.

"I see Reid every day," you say, knowing that Reid is not the sort of doctor Aaron was talking about.

Aaron sighs. "I don't understand how it got to this point." He gets up and wraps a second towel around your leg. "do you think we don't care?"

"Sometimes…" you reply, you feel the tension. "You asked. And you say you want the truth. Don't complain about my honest answer."

"You still should have talked to us. If you don't think you can talk to anyone else, you can always talk to me."

"not about this…"

"It's confusing, I'm sure but with who you are and what you have been through in your life, you~~"

"Stop profiling me!" you yell "it's annoying. I don't want to be analyzed by anyone else! I self-analyze just fine on my own! I know that I'm this way, I know that you know that I'm this way. I just wish that I was a different person sometimes. If I had the sense God gave Reid, I would have stopped while I was still free of the addiction. If I had Morgan's determination I could have gotten out of this while I still had the chance." You look at the hand on your towel wrapped knee. "Aaron, I hate myself for the sinful and negative nature I have in my head, I hate myself because all the love in the world can't erase my past, that all the love in the world won't erase the memories. I hate that I don't have the will power to stop."

"That's when you need to call me." Aaron interrupts, "I don't want to have Garcia sneak cameras here but I will if I need to."

"oh good Lord… anything but that!" you say "Isn't it enough that you are here now?"

"No. I have to be sure to keep you safe." He says "If I don't I'll lose my job for allowing you to be reckless. And that's the least of my worries."

"Garcia got some dark secret on you or something?" you ask

"Several, but that's not important." He moves your fallen hair aside. "If I hadn't gotten here when I had, how far would you have gone? How bad would you let it get before you asked for help?"

"tonight? Till I fell asleep." You look over moving your hair behind your ear. "Long term? My box cutter and I have decided 'till death do us part.'"

"I'm taking your box cutter with me. Call it a trial separation." He said removing the towel and bandaging your two cuts. "Are there any other things in the house that you use?"

"a couple of pocket knives two drawers down, a broken ladies shaver, and the blade from a pensil sharpener." You say thinking for a moment. "That should be everything I have here."

"Do you have things hidden any other place?" his eyes become stern. He takes a thick blanket and covers you with it. "Any place at all."

"Probably, but I don't remember where..." a tear rolls down your cheek "I wish I wasn't me… I'd be ok with being anyone else, but I don't want to be me."

"You are a good person. You over compensate so that no one sees the problems you face." He says softly "so this is who you are when no one's around, when the door is locked and the shades are down."

"You're profiling me again." You wisper sleepily

"I know, I'm sorry." Aaron gives you one of your stuffed bears from off a tall shelf.

"No you're not." You hold the bear tightly.

"No, I'm not," he says "you are a mystery to a lot of people, Profiling is the only way for us to get to know you."

"You shouldn't want to know such a horrible person like me." You close your eyes

"You are not a horrible person, and the good inside you can and will thrive when you are around people who will care about you the right way."

"I'll remember that the next time I have the urge to call my mother." Your breathing becomes steady.

"Hush now," Aaron says turning on your radio. "Just listen to your music quietly." He turns down the lights so that they are barely on, and walks out of the room.


	13. Fluffed III

Fluffed III

DAVID ROSSI

That's what it said on his office door. Dave was never that one to make a scene. Especially in front of the overly paranoid people on your team. So he called you into his office, shutting the door and closing the blinds. Now it was just you, him, and the knife you had gotten from the break room before going into the ladies.

"Show it to me." he said. You rolled up your black boot cut slacks revealing your blood covered knee. "Why?"

"I don't know." You say very quietly.

"Why do you not know?"

"I don't know." You repeat.

"How long has this been going on?"

"I don't know."

"How is it that 'I don't know' becomes the most popular answer when someone gets called to my office?"

"I –"

"don't say it." he stopped you. "There is a better way to handle your nerves, hand it over."

You look up for the first time since entering the office. "what?" you ask clutching to the knife in your pocket.

"either you give it to me or I will take it from your pocket myself."

He is really serious, his eyes as stern as Hotch's eyes. You hand him the knife and slump further down in the chair.

"You can't continue to do this."

"Ok…" you say wondering howmuch he really knows.

"I will call you later to see how you are. Ok?"

"OK… Are we done here?" you ask.

"Yes. Go out to the party. And put this back. I trust you."

_You shouldn't _you think as you take the knife and put it in the break room. _I'm not as good a person as you think._


	14. The Fluffiest Finale

They had all called you at different points this past week asking if you wanted some company over the weekend. You said ok and suggested that they all come at the same time and you would make some snacks and treats. So when they arrived on Saturday at 4, you had 3 kinds of chips, 2 dips, about a dozen red velvet cupcakes and a batch of garlic bread sitting on the little dining table just next to the door.

"We…"

"Need… "

"To …"

"Talk…"

Those are the worst words in the English Language when strewn together. They had the ability to bring up every negative emotion or action you have ever done… especially the first time you stole a cookie from the jar…. Those were terrible words and they were coming from the 4 gentlemen of the FBI's main BAU unit.

"What's going on, guys?" you ask as Dave, Aaron, Derek, and Spence walk into your lonesome apartment.

"An intervention." Aaron says. He leads you over to your chair where you sleep.

"Should I be worried?" you ask, tugging on your long sleeved dark red pullover sweater.

"Only if you don't trust us." Derek says, locking the door and standing in front of it.

"It's dangerous," you say slowly, wondering if you if you should make an escape through the window behind you. "But to go through life without trust is to be self-committed to the worst asylum of all, oneself."

"Green, slightly misquoted." Spencer said. He was in your kitchen going through your tool cabinet. "I found one of them." He said placing the box cutter on the counter.

"What do you think you're doing Spence?" You say and Aaron takes your hands "You can't just come in here and start to rifle my tool cupboard that's-" you are cut off by Dave walking in the room.

"I found a few in her bathroom on the edge of her tub." Dave said putting a shaver's blade attached to a bobbi-pin and a broken ladies razor on the counter next to the box cutter. "Are there any others?" he says looking in your direction.

"you have no right to be-" this time Aaron interrupts you.

"Derek, reach above the door." Aaron says spotting an all in one pocket tool. Derek does then he takes it over to the pile.

"What's the blue book with the green stripe?" Dave asks walking over to the small corner book shelf.

"Leave that alone!" you shout. Aaron grips your hands tighter.

"That's her bible. Flip through it, see what you turn up." Derek says.

After a moment Spencer adds "check First Corinthians chapter 6" he places a screwdriver and a hammer on the counter.

Dave walks over to the kitchen and places a sculptor's blade on the table, then he takes the bible and opens it by it's cover making the pensil sharpener blade fall out of the spine.

"why are you guys doing this?" you say as a single tear rolls down your cheek

"Because we care," Aaron says "We are also going to profile you too and you have to sit and listen to us."

"I don't have to do anything" you say standing up and walking over to the door "When I want someone to profile me I'll ask." You don't open the door very far before Derek pushes it closed.

"Traitor." you breathe. Derek frog marches you to your chair again.

"You may not want it, but you need it." Dave said. "It's the only way we know to get through to you."

"I was afraid that something like this would happen someday." You say.

"Reid, you start." Aaron says

"Why do I have to start?" Spencer asks obviously assuming the worst of your temper. "Make Morgan start."

"I'm the only one who can pull her off of you if you say the wrong thing." Derek says "That's why you start."

Spencer takes in a deep breath and begins. "Your house is always lit, because you're afraid of the dark. you sleep in a chair because you are afraid of a bedroom. You have only one picture of you in this house because you have a poor self-image. You hate the months of February and September, because those months hold bad memories for you."

You stand up and glare at Spencer. "I really think you need to shut up." Before you can move 2 steps Derek starts in.

"you hate physical contact especially when others initiate it, even your own mother." Derek says grabbing your shoulders. "All of these were created when you were being raped by your father beginning at age 5 and held till 13. When you turned 11 the abuse of your father overlapped with the abuse of your maternal grandfather." You recognized the look in his eyes as he felt the same hurt you felt, the same hurt you feel when you close your eyes at night and flashback to that time.

"Get out of my apartment!" you yell, hitting Derek's chest.

"This was the start of your cutting addiction. You started cutting as an expression of anger and as part of the desire to not be a girl anymore." Dave began from behind you and you spun around, startled by the suddenness of his voice. "You believed that if you were not a girl then you couldn't be raped or molested anymore. You longed to be undesirable, convincing yourself that you were truly as ugly and hideous as your father told you. when someone finally caught you at it you tried to stop but the adrenaline rush felt too good to let go of and it made you forget all the pain and hurt that was going on around you. you found new places on your body to hide the cuts. Eventually you became numb both emotionally and physically." Dave looks at you for a moment then looks at Aaron

"After visitations with your father stopped there were 3 years where you were only abused by your grandfather and the cutting stopped for a while." Aaron says. "At age 16 you had a boyfriend who abused you emotionally and encouraged your cutting habits causing you to start them back up again. You stopped cutting again once you had broken up with him. the cutting tendencies stayed dead until you got nervous again 9 months ago."

"Please stop…" you whisper. Your heart sinks lower and lower in your chest.

"You have a very religious background, judging by the CD's and your Bible." Spencer joined in again. "you were never encouraged as a child. Your Catholic school wrote you off with a 'hopeless case of dislecsea' saying that you 'couldn't even take one from one to get zero.' Every normal experience that children get was a mystery to you. you never went over to friends' houses, you didn't play a lot at your grandparents' house, Your mother worked three jobs just to pay the bills so you never went on field trips. You even got pulled out of high school for a year because of your mother's over protective nature. your dislike of physical contact crossed the psychological line when you decided that if you were not close to anyone then you couldn't get hurt."

"Please…" you have collapsed on your chair and you pull your knees up into your chest.

"Because of your negative experiences, you missed the self-exploration stage of your childhood, and your religious background and abusive past made it worse for you when you started wondering about things like that." Once again Derek starts at you. "You did your best to stop the urges, recognizing the negativity in the acts that you could do to your-self. you had a hard time keeping the urges at bay, but you struggled through it until 18 months ago. You began cutting again out of guilt."

"Derek, stop…" you look at him with pleading eyes.

"You have a good heart, despite what you believe about yourself." Dave says "you fear that one day you will end up an alcoholic like your mother, or that the abusive cycle of your father would continue through you. you are afraid that you may need to be admitted to an institution. You struggle with the question of the lesser evil, fornication or self-mutilation. While sin is sin and both have harmful effects, one is psychological and the other is physical. Just as one is negative or unknown territory and the other is familiar and falsely positive."

You are crying as you are forced to listen to the truth. Don't these guys know that sometimes the truth isn't very nice to tell someone?

"you don't like who you are. Your self-hatred only serves to amplify your self-guilt trips. Making your desire to cut even worse." Aaron says "you long to feel something, anything at all that will remind you that you are human. That reminds you that you are alive." There is a pause, and you recognize that they have gone as far as they can in the profile.

"Have you finished?" you ask. "Because you missed the insomnia part. To keep myself awake at night I watch online videos. At first it was cartoon reruns but once those were memorized I went on to watch videos of people, men, being intimate with each other, which makes me feel even guiltier. Which, in turn, amplifies my cutting tendencies."

Aaron and Spencer seemed shocked by this. Dave shook his head and Derek put his hand on your neck as your head hung low.

"We are here to help you, because we love you. The right way." Derek says "We want you to be ok. That's why we are here."

"So what do I do now?"

"First you stop cutting," Aaron said. "do something else when you feel the need if all else fails call one of us"

"We are gonna be taking all your knives and tools that you use for cutting." Dave says taking the knives and blades and putting them in a suitcase.

"all of our numbers are in your phone so call us when you need to." Spencer says. thus far, you have simply nodded in agreement.

"and before we leave today," Derek says pulling a couple DVDs out of Spencer's messenger bag, "We are gonna watch _Oliver and Company _and _The Rescuers _both 1 and 2. And enjoy all these wonderful snacks. Ok?"

"Ok." You say meekly.

Happily the men all get a plate of food and each have a seat someplace around your living room. Aaron and Dave are on the sofa, Spencer finds himself a cozy place in the wicker rocking chair and Derek takes the footstool to your chair and sits next to you leaning against the wall. Your little apartment is livelier than it has ever been and you fall asleep half way through the movie marathon. You dream of nothing, for the first time in ever, because who could possibly be afraid of anyone with 4 FBI men staying with you.


End file.
